The List
by gawilliams
Summary: Booth sends Bones a list of the things he expects from her at his funeral. Episode addition to The Double Death of the Dearly Departed.
1. Chapter 1

_I just watched The Double Death of the Dearly Departed and this fun little add on came to me. Hope you like it. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Bones was in her office the afternoon after the final interment of the dearly departed, though she could never understand the meaning of that phrase, and was wondering if perhaps she had done the right thing in insisting that Booth do all that they did in order to solve a murder. Granted, murder was wrong, plain and simple, but the final circumstances led one to feel pity and empathy, not anger and a desire for retribution, despite how good the dead man may have been by all accounts. A mother doing such a thing for her own son, even if it meant killing the other son. Poetic, real, yet laden with cruel horror in the actual occurrence.

Then there was Booth just that afternoon. He'd asked her to come and speak to him at his grave when he eventually died. A cold shiver went down her spine as she considered the idea of Booth being dead. It was like a shower of ice cold water flowing over her at that thought. Booth was too important to not be in her life, and she was finally realizing just how important that he was. He'd been her best friend for several years now, and no matter what she did, from casual lovers to completely exasperating everyone with her lack of social aptitude, he was always there for her. It was time to acknowledge what she'd known for a long time now: she was in love with Booth.

Before she could ponder this whole idea further, a short musical chord chimed letting her know she had an e-mail. She clicked on the appropriate icon and brought up a message from Booth.

_Bones,_

_I know I said it already at the wake, but you really suck at that kind of thing. So, in order that my own wake goes smoothly, and without any accusations, handcuffs, or any other insane activities, I've prepared a list of things that I absolutely forbid you to do at my wake, which will hopefully be many, many years from now after we are both long retired._

_No Squint talk whatsoever. Small talk will be confined to ordinary, everyday topics. Appropriate subjects we will go over at another time._

_When it comes time to view the body of the departed, namely me, you will not spend more than ten seconds getting a final look at the awesome physical specimen that is yours truly._

_During said viewing of such a fine man, you will not touch, paw, examine, or in any way try find out if the cause of death was anything other than what the medical examiner said it was._

_No making out or having sex with the undertaker. I know that that wasn't you, but let's face it Bones, anything is possible when in grief. So please, no doing the horizontal Mamba on the day I die with the guy who embalmed me._

_Now Bones, don't think that I have only a list of things that you are forbidden to do. I also have a couple of items that I think you should do. Here they are._

_First, I expect you to make sure that Parker is doing alright if this happens when he is still young. You're the only one I trust with that important task._

_Second, I think a few tears would be very appropriate since I won't be there anymore to make sure that you stay out of trouble. I put this in here because you kind of blew it at my last funeral, Bones, despite how much I know I hurt you with what really happened. You have permission to kick my ass for reminding you of that incident, by the way._

_Third, please thank the priest for the services and for officiating at my graveside memorial. _

_Fourth, as you thank that priest, it would be of great help if you avoid any kind of talk about religion being ridiculous and those that believe in it being completely nuts._

_So there it is, Bones. A list of dos and don'ts at my funeral. I hope that these lists help make that horribly unfair time more manageable. And remember, Bones, I will be looking down from Heaven making sure that you follow these to the letter. Your friend, Booth._

Bren didn't know whether to scream in anger, laugh in amusement, or cry in embarrassment. Instead she decided to see the humor in it, _and_ take him up on his offer. She pulled out her cell phone after printing out a copy of his email and filing it in her "Booth" file, and sent him a text message.

_Booth- The FBI sparring gym, 8 pm tonight. I am going to kick your ass for this one. Bones._

_A/N: There it is. Short and one sided, but it was something that just came to me when I finished watching the episode. If anyone's interested, I may write a second chapter detailing Booth's reaction to the text massage and the sparring match that evening. Let me know. Gregg._


	2. Chapter 2

_With several requests to do a second chapter, I put this short one together, and will be working on a third one that will cover the sparring match. Here's Booth's reaction to the text message, and a little preview on Bones' attitude about the upcoming sparring match. Hope you enjoy it. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth reread the text message from Bones and paled slightly. Sure he was a well trained former Army Ranger, but Bones scared the crap out of him when she got in one of these moods. The woman had black belts in several martial arts, and he'd seen the kind of pain she could inflict on some poor suspect when they got out of line. Her knowledge of the human body also made her abilities that much more freakish.

What made it worse was the fact that he'd sent the e-mail as a joke. But he should have known that Bones would take it literally and decide that his offer of letting her kick his ass was serious. Now he had to pay the Piper. He made a note to himself that the next time that Bones did not want to got to a wake or a funeral, he was not going to force the issue like this one. "_I am going to kick your ass for this one._" He shuddered at rereading that sentence.

"Booth," Deputy Director Cullen said from the door.

"Yes, Sir," Booth said as he stood. The old military habits were still pretty ingrained in his behavior.

"I need you to handle the section briefing in twenty minutes," Cullen directed. "The Director just sent for me and I have no idea how long I'll be. You can brief me when I get back."

"No problem," Booth nodded. He was essentially Cullen's second in situations like that, so he was used to it.

"Oh and Booth? I just got an interesting call from Dr. Brennan," Cullen informed him. "Something about reserving the sparring gym. She also issued an invitation for anyone interested in seeing her 'kick your ass' as she put it. I posted the invite on the sections e-board. Don't let us down, Son."

"Oh, crap," Booth said as he slumped in his chair after Cullen left chuckling. Bones was going to really kick his ass. Speaking of which, he wondered what his Machiavellian partner was up to. He clicked on the vid-link he had with the Jeffersonian and called on Hodgins. The man may have been a bit blotto from the booze, but he'd wanted to head into the lab for a bit.

"_Hey, Booth,_" Hodgins' image said from the screen.

"Do me a favor, Hodgins," Booth directed. "Tell me what Bones' has been up to the last hour or so."

"_Dude, someone sure got her ramped up,_" Hodgins perked up.

"Whaddya mean?" Booth asked, seriously worried now.

"_She put on her martial arts outfit and black belt,_" Hodgins revealed. "_Now for the last forty minutes or so she's been going through some routines, and Dude, they look pretty wicked. I'm glad I'm not the poor schmuck who pissed her off._"

Booth gulped, and paled a bit further. "That bad, huh?" he asked rhetorically.

"_Oh yeah,_" Hodgins drawled. "_Oh, by the way. What's going on at the sparring gym tonight? Dr. B sent everyone an e-mail inviting us over there for something, but she didn't say what. I figured since it's at the Hoover building you'd know what was going on._"

"I might," Booth sighed, his eyes closing as he imagined the humiliation he was going to endure if he didn't win the match against Bones. It was times like this that he prayed for a dead body to beckon them away from the ordinary mundane stuff. Of course he went to confession every time he did so, but he was desperate here this time.

"_So? What's going on?_" Hodgins pressed.

"Bones is going to kick my ass tonight," Booth sighed in resignation. He saw the look of surprise on Hodgins face as something happened. "Hodgins?"

"_Dude, I'd tread very carefully when you spar,_" Hodgins warned seriously. "_She just turned a wooden chair into kindling with a kick._" He paused. "_What'd you do?_"

"I sent a joke email giving her a list of dos and don'ts for when she attends my, hopefully a long time off, funeral," Booth admitted. "The only thing is, she took it literally."

"_I'll bring the EMT's Big Guy,_" Hodgins commiserated. He could only imagine what was in that e-mail. Then again, he didn't want to imagine what was in it. Guilt by association was a favorite with Dr. B and Angela.

"Thanks, Hodgins," Booth said sarcastically. He clicked off the vid-link and sank back in his chair. With a deep, fearful sigh, he stood and gathered the material he needed for the briefing. He'd spend the time after the briefing working on a strategy that might allow him to come out of this with his dignity intact, or at least without any broken bones, no pun intended. Not for the first time he wondered why he had to be such a smart ass with Bones. Maybe he could talk to her about this at the diner. He whipped out his cell phone and sent her a text message of his own.

_Bones- Dinner at the diner. 5:00. Be there and we'll talk about this. I can explain. Booth. PS- I'm sorry. Really, really sorry._

_A/N: Short, fun, but adds something to the sequence. I decided to do this whole thing with the match being the fourth chapter, and the third will be the diner scene. Also, someone asked about the Booth file. I plan on working it in by the end of the story. Thank you all for the fabulous, and quick responses to the first chapter of this story. Gregg._


	3. Chapter 3

_I decided to quickly jot out the third chapter to this while I was at work this morning right after the second one as I had a few minutes to spare. Here's the scene in the diner. As with the first two, this is a short one as I want the pace to be similar to the episode, at least until the sparring sequence. I hope you all enjoy this one, and the second chapter. It was definitely fun writing them. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth walked into the diner at precisely 5:00 and saw that Bones was already there. Of course she looked calm as could be, not even showing a glimmer of all that had happened on this bizarre day, from the wake all the way through the whole sparring match bit. Naturally, as this was Bones he was talking about, the one hint of humor he had tried to inject, namely the list he'd e-mailed to Bones, had backfired spectacularly and he was now faced with a sparring match against a woman he was pretty sure could take him in a fair fight if he wasn't at the absolute top of his game.

"Hello, Booth," Bones said as she noticed him coming up behind her. "Ready for tonight?"

Booth slumped down onto the seat across from her. "Did you have to let everybody know and issue a general invitation?" he questioned, not wasting time on any pleasantries. "The betting pool is going nuts over at the Hoover Building, Bones, and you're the 2 to 1 favorite."

Bones brightened at that tidbit. "Really?" she asked. "Then I'll have to make sure that they get their money's worth."

Booth groaned. If they got their money's worth, that meant that he was going to really be suffering. This was not good. "Now look, Bones, I was only joking around when I sent the e-mail," he pleaded. "You know I would never try and order you to do anything when it came to something that serious."

"In know," she replied calmly.

That brought him up short. "Then what's with the sparring match that's guaranteed to make me suffer terrible pain?" he questioned. "I said I was sorry, after all."

"If you were sorry, you wouldn't have sent it in the first place," she logically pointed out. "And it wasn't the list I was so upset about," she added.

"It wasn't?" Booth asked.

"No," Bones reiterated.

Booth mentally reviewed the list he'd sent her trying to discover what had upset her. When he said she sucked at that stuff? No, he'd said that at the wake and she hadn't killed him, so that wasn't it. Going through the whole thing, he glommed onto the one part he felt sure was the problem. He examined it, and mentally cursed. _SHIT!_ The one subject that she was very sensitive about, and he'd brought it up. His fake funeral! Lack of tears and all that.

"The comment about my funeral last year," he quietly said out loud.

"Yes," she replied with a pointed look at him. "I know I have virtually no social skills, Booth, but bringing up my lack of tears at your funeral was unfair. It was then, and it still is. Did it ever occur to you that maybe I spent those two weeks when I wasn't forcing myself to stay at the lab 18 hours a day crying myself to sleep because you, the one person I could always count on wasn't there anymore? Or that maybe I was too numb at the graveside service to really want to let everyone else see how devastated I was? Or how about the fact that I was angry that a bullet meant for me had killed you? Take your pick, Booth, because they're all true. And now when I feel we've finally moved beyond that, and are getting closer, personally, you bring that up."

Booth listened as she recited all that in a slow, quiet cadence. She'd obviously put some thought into it. He couldn't deny any of what she said, and the worst part was that it was all true. He'd screwed up then, and he'd screwed up now.

"So we spar and have an audience," he said finally.

"Exactly," she said with a smile. This was fun, she decided. Not telling him how much he'd hurt her, but the idea that he was so nervous about sparring with her. "Afraid of the competition?" she teased. She'd decided to keep this conversation on a lighter plane, so she had to refocus.

"Of course not," Booth denied, though he crossed his fingers in his lap.

"Then how about we make this interesting, I think the phrase is," she continued. This was so easy, she thought to herself. He was moving right into her trap.

"I don't gamble, Bones," Booth hastily reminded her.

"Oh, not for money, Booth," she assured him. "I'm talking about a friendly competition with some incentives."

"Okay," he said in a slow drawl. "What kind of incentives?" he asked.

"If you win, I let you see my 'Booth' file that I've kept since we first met," she told him, revealing the existence of it for the first time. She'd been meaning to ever since the incident with Jared, so this was the perfect opening.

He was startled at the fact that she kept a file on him, but he wasn't too surprised. The woman was nothing if not thorough, and a file on those she was close to was almost like a scrapbook for her. "And I you win?" he asked, knowing that the answer was going to be a doozy. This was, after all, Bones, who never did anything by half measures.

"The line you put between us is erased and you be the father of my baby," she calmly stated.

Booth's eyes bugged out, his mouth opened and closed like a gaping fish. "Baby???" he managed to squeak out.

"I've been giving it some thought, Booth, and I would like to have a child," she told him. "The only man I would ever consider that with is you. As I know that you always keep your word, I know that if we have this as a wager, then you will honor it if I win."

"Let me ask this one thing, Bones," Booth replied in a completely stunned tone of voice. "If I lose and honor the wager, would we be a real couple? Not simply parents, but a family living together, and being monogamous to each other?"

Bones knew that he would ask such a thing regardless of when and how the subject came up, so she was ready. "Yes," she told him. She wanted only him, and the two boyfriends incident and the whole situation with Jared had proven that to her. As for the sexual side, she knew that she wouldn't need another man if Booth was there. That reality that Angela was always talking about was finally here. In a somewhat comical way, but it was here.

Booth was beyond shocked at this point. Talk about upping the ante! Bones had just floored him. A baby with Bones? Sure he'd fantasized about just that, but never in his wildest dreams had be thought it possible. He had to strike while this was still open for discussion. "Deal," he said and shoved out his hand for the traditional shake. "Gotta go, Bones, I need to get ready," he hastily told her as he dropped some money on the table. "Have whatever you want on me. See you at 8," he said as he rapidly left the diner. As soon as he was out the door he grabbed his cell phone and sent an urgent text message.

_Sweets! Get to my office on the double! I'll be there in fifteen minutes! Booth. PS- Be there or I'll hunt you down!_

_A/N: So there it is. Two chapters posted at once. As with most of my stories, aspects change as I write, and so it was with this chapter, as some may be able to tell. What I originally conceived as a purely humorous dinner at the diner, turned into a challenge with a tweaking of the projected last two episodes of the season. Sorry to TPTB, but I couldn't resist. As a result of the changes, there will be three more chapters after this one. Next up: Sweets! Let me know what you think. Gregg._

_A/N2: There will, by the way, be a list involved from Bones at some point. I wanted to point that out so that the people who have so anxiously wanted one won't be disappointed at this stage of the story._


	4. Chapter 4

_Here's the fourth chapter. I can't thank everyone enough for the wonderful reviews that this story has garnered thus far. Fortunately it writes very quickly so this chapter was a rapid posting for the fans. Here's Sweets' turn at dealing with the onslaught of the competition. Hope you all enjoy it. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth broke the speed records for getting back to the Hoover from the Diner, he was certain. He even rode through the busier areas with the siren blazing. This was no time to be timid. Bones had as much as said she wants his baby, and that it would be the package deal, no less. For only the second time in the whole history of Sweets being around, he needed to speak to the kid.

Rushing into the building he took the first elevator he could find to his floor and ran to his office. Naturally the little pimple wasn't there yet. Moving over to one of the side tables he opened a drawer and took out a good bottle of scotch, pouring himself a two fingers worth in an old fashioned tumbler. He poured one in another tumbler just as Sweets ran into the office, slightly out of breath. Looking closely, Booth saw a hickey on Sweets' neck. He thrust the tumbler into Sweets' hands and guided him to a chair.

"Drink up, Sweets," he ordered. "And next time you want to get some, wait until you're at home. You making out in your office just makes me want to hurl, Kid."

Sweets ignored the comment. "What was so urgent that I needed to get here so quickly, Agent Booth?" he asked.

"Long story short, Sweets, Bones wants me to be the father of her baby and start a family with her," Booth told the incredibly young therapist.

Sweets gulped the Scotch right then and held up his glass for another one. "Excuse me?" he wheezed.

"You heard me," Booth glared. "I did something stupid and now Bones is making me spar with her tonight in the sparring gym, with the FBI and Jeffersonian personnel as witnesses. Bones wants to kick my ass, but offered some incentives. I win and she shows me her personal 'Booth' file. She wins, and we do the family thing. So what should I do?"

"You're asking me?" Sweets squeaked out. He liked Booth, and admired him immensely, but this had disaster written all over it. If he gave Booth advice that didn't work out, he could count on something worse than what Angela's Dad had done to Hodgins. He'd be lucky if he was found before the buzzards got done with him.

"You're our therapist, Sweets," Booth pointed out. "Now, should I try to win, or should I throw the match and get right to the good stuff?"

"But don't you want to see this 'Booth' file?" Sweets asked.

"Sweets, use that brain of yours," Booth shot back. "I can see her file anytime. On the other hand, how often is Bones going to offer up the idea of a serious, committed relationship, kids, and the whole monogamous enchilada?"

"But what would she do if she found out that you intentionally threw the match?" Sweets offered.

That one stopped Booth short. Ooh. That was not a good image just then. Broken ribs, legs, and arms would be the least of his worries if that happened. He could add jaw, nose, and ripped off fingernails to the list of injuries she would inflict. She'd at least leave the feet alone seeing as she already knew of what he had endured on the old footsies in the past. Cold comfort though considering that all the rest still equaled one thing: major pain. Crap!

"So I guess I do my best and hope that she kicks my ass?" he queried rhetorically.

"That about sums it up," Sweets nodded. He already had his own bets placed on Brennan, so he was already wondering if maybe he had just shot his chances of a good payoff right out of the sky. "Assuming you want a family with Dr. Brennan, that is."

Booth looked at Sweets as if the kid had a screw loose. "What about all that stuff about Bones and me being perfect for each other and needing to admit our feelings?" he demanded. "Of course I want the whole family package with Bones! There is no assuming about it!"

"Then you have your answer, Agent Booth," Sweets said as he drank down the second Scotch. He was definitely going to be getting drunk after the match. This was way too much for him to comprehend without a little mental lubrication. "If I may? Just what did you do to make Dr. Brennan so upset?"

Booth got a sheepish look on his face as he admitted what he'd done. "I sent Bones a joke email that was a list of the dos and don'ts for her at my wake in the long distant future," he told the psychologist.

Sweets' eyes widened in shock. "_DUDE?! _Even I'm not that stupid!" he blurted out.

"Yeah right Sweets," Booth said with a wave of his hand. "Just keep telling yourself that. It was a joke! I didn't think she'd take it seriously."

"Dr. Brennan takes everything seriously," Sweets pointed out as he stood up, somehow understanding that this conversation was over with. He made his way to the door.

"Hey, Sweets?" Booth asked from his seat, suddenly serious. Very serious.

"Yeah?" Sweets asked, startled by the change in tone.

"Suppose I do lose the match and follow through with the deal," Booth replied. "Is Bones ready for that? A baby, a family that depends on her, and a real commitment?"

"Are you asking me in my professional capacity?" Sweets asked.

"As our therapist, and as Bones' friend, Sweets," Booth told him. "This is important. I have to know. I've spent several years with Bones as my best friend, and working on letting her see another side to the world, but if she and I make this kind of commitment, I want to make damn sure she's ready. If it doesn't work, it could really mess her up emotionally."

Sweets paused and considered it. Booth had a very good point. The emotional trauma of a relationship with Booth not working would be devastating for Dr. Brennan. Her always on edge emotions regarding the FBI agent were constantly in a battle to see if her logical or her emotional side should make the choices. If she chose the emotional on this one and it didn't work, she would likely regress to farther back than she was before Agent Booth had even met her. Sweets considered all of the emotional growth that he'd witnessed in her since he'd met her, and was reasonably certain that with some patience and understanding from Agent Booth, she was ready for this. And when it came to Dr. Brennan, it seemed that Agent Booth had an endless reserve of patience and understanding.

"She's ready, Agent Booth," Sweets finally replied. "Just do what you always do and be there for her. Listen to what she has to say, and make sure that when you two make any decisions, she knows it's a mutual decision with her views and ideas being taken seriously. Include her in all the things she normally shies away from when it comes to discussions and she'll know you want her input and that you respect her. She knows that now, but that's as a friend and partner. You need to show it to her as a lover and the other parent in this arrangement."

Booth made a serious effort not to shudder at Sweets saying the word lover in any context. That was just so wrong on any level. What the kid said, though, made a lot of sense. "Thanks, Sweets," he said eventually. "See you at the match."

Booth sat there for another ten minutes. He knew what he had to do. He couldn't throw the match, but he also knew that he wouldn't be winning. Bones wanted this very badly, or she wouldn't have made this part of the wager. With that kind of determination, Booth wouldn't stand a chance. He'd do his best, and when Bones kicked his ass, he'd graciously accept it. Then he'd achieve his own personal dream. But he had one more thing to do. He took out his cell phone. Punching in a text message, he sent it on its way.

_Hey Parker! It's Dad. Give me a call tomorrow. I've got something important to tell you. It's about me and Bones. Love you. Dad._

_A/N: Simple, and not the frantic scene many probably imagined, but I felt that Booth would want a little reassurance about this whole thing and he would turn to Sweets, even though he doesn't like the idea. He did turn to him about Parker in that one episode, after all, so he must at some level respect his judgment. I hope you all enjoyed this interlude and I am right now working on Chapter five. Maybe I'll post it tonight, but probably tomorrow. Let me know what you think. The reviews so far have been tremendous! All the best, Gregg._


	5. Chapter 5

_Here's the match up. I decided to add a little change in the whole concept considering that Bones loves studying various cultures and cultural norms. Its also my own slight homage to the Code Duello, which while barbaric by modern standards, had a certain dignity about it when carried out with honor and integrity. Thanks go to Shadow12 for the inspiration for the idea when the limitations of Bones' martial arts training environment was brought up in a brief note. Booth, of course, won't be happy. Hope you all enjoy it. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

"I really don't think that Booth's going to like this, Sweetie," Angela said as she helped Bren into the sparring outfit she was going to wear.

"I was the challenged party, Ange," Bones said logically. "As such, and you saw the email essentially challenging me to kick his ass, I have choice of weapons for the duel."

"But Sweetie, this isn't a duel," Angela pointed out. "The Code Duello went out of circulation ages ago."

Bren smiled. "Not for me it hasn't," she responded. "Besides, I'm not going to kill him, just wound his pride a bit. It'll make him think before sending me any more reminders of his fake death."

"But _fencing_???" Angela protested. "Does Booth even know anything about fencing, or sword fighting for that matter?"

Bren's smile widened further. "No, he doesn't," she gloated. This was going to be so much fun! "Just knives. Besides, in single hand to hand combat, Booth has many more weapons at his disposal. This just gives me the edge and a more equal contest." She grabbed her head gear and foil, then walked out of the locker room to the sparring gym.

Meanwhile, Booth showed up at the gym and noticed the full crowd that was there. He spotted Cullen and groaned in dawning humiliation. Not only did he have the Director of the FBI with him, which was bad enough, but he also had the Attorney General! This was not good. He was going to lose, he was sure, but not only that, he would face the razzing from his co-workers and the brass for all eternity. That was when Bones came out of the locker room with Angela. What the hell? Was that a sword??? Oh shit! He rushed right over to her.

"Uh, Bones?" he questioned. "What the hell's going on? What are you wearing, and why do you have a sword?"

"Surely you know what fencing garb looks like?" she questioned teasingly. "And this is a foil, not a sword."

"But why do you have them?" he demanded. "This is a sparring match."

"It's also a challenge issued by you," she pointed out. "As the challenged party I claim the choice of weapons and location of the duel."

Booth paled a bit. "_DUEL???_" he croaked. "I thought you were simply going to kick my ass, Bones, not kill me."

"Duels can be to the death, Booth, but not always," Bones pointed out with an amused smirk. "Now your gear is in the mens locker room, and Hodgins is waiting to help you into it. Your foil is in there, too. You've got ten minutes."

Booth glumly walked over to the mens dressing room. Duel??? Fencing??? Foil??? What the hell was he going to do now. He didn't know the first thing about fencing. Then he brightened a touch. He was sure to lose now, and he wouldn't have to worry about anyone thinking he threw the match. Only one thing bothered him. Was it possible to get skewered with a fencing foil?

"You ready for this, Dude?" Hodgins asked as Booth entered the locker room.

"What the Hell's going on Hodgins?" Booth demanded when he saw the Bug Man. "Did you put Bones up to this? I don't mind losing, but I'll be humiliated in a fencing match!"

"Don't look at me," Hodgins backpedaled. "This was all Dr. B's idea. She just handed me your fencing garb and foil for me to get you ready."

Booth sighed. "Alright," he finally acquiesced. "Now how the hell do you put this thing on?"

After an extremely uncomfortable experience putting on the fencing garb, Booth came out of the locker room and faced the crown. Bones was on one side of the length of matting that represented the fencing field. At the moment she was going through some pretty impressive moves. Certainly much smoother and more confident than anything he was going to be managing! This sucked! Oh well. The prize at the end was certainly worth the agony and humiliation.

"Did you remember to bring the EMT's?" Booth asked Hodgins.

Hodgins chuckled. "Nah" he told his friend. "I figure with all the medical knowledge that's around here, you should come out of it pretty well."

"Thanks a lot, Hodgins," Booth muttered. He was still wondering if someone could get skewered with one of these damn foils.

"Don't worry," Hodgins tried to reassure Booth. "Dr. B won't hurt you too bad. She loves you man."

Booth's eyes bulged. "What?" he said sharply. It was more habit than anything else, but he also didn't know what Bones had revealed to anyone about the bet.

"You two are transparent, Dude," Hodgins said firmly. "It hasn't been a secret to anyone other than the two of you for a long time."

Booth sighed. "Let's get this over with," he said with as much confidence as he could muster. '_Why couldn't Bones have chosen some form of hand to hand?_' he asked himself.

"Ready Booth?" Bones asked as he approached the mat. She had a wide smile of amusement on her face.

"Let me see, Bones," Booth mused. "I know absolutely nothing about fencing, or sword fighting, and I'm here about to be humiliated in said fencing match in front of all my coworkers, my boss, the Director, and the Attorney General, in addition to all the Squints. I'd have to say I'm ready. NOT! Why are you doing this to me?"

Bones got close to him and said just loud enough so only he could hear her. "Because I want to have a family with you, Booth, and this is the best way for me to win the wager," she admitted.

Booth blinked. She'd said _family!_ With him! She also wanted to win, so choosing a competition he had virtually no hope of prevailing in, and still have it be physical, was a damn good way for her to stack the deck. He also recalled that kicking someone's ass didn't always mean a literal ass kicking with pain involved. She'd played him! All afternoon he'd been sweating it thinking he was in serious trouble. He leaned down. "Just wait until this is over, Bones," he told her. He winked. "I plan on getting in lots of practice on making this baby we both want."

Bones smiled. "We can have all the practice you want, but it won't be too necessary as I started ovulating today, so if all goes well, I should be pregnant in a few days," she revealed. "Besides, I want to see if that belt buckle of yours is accurate." She paused again. "Oh, and Booth? I haven't had a lover since I had the two boyfriends, so I'm really in need of having my biological imperatives dealt with. Don't plan on getting much sleep for a few days."

"Now how the hell am I supposed to concentrate on this when you say something like that?" he demanded as she walked back to her position after a serious shudder at the matter of fact way that she mentioned _ovulating_. Naturally she didn't respond, just looked over her shoulder and winked.

"Booth!" Cullen came up to him.

"Shit," Booth murmured under his breath. "Sir."

"Quite the crowd tonight, Son," Cullen commented. "The Director and the Attorney General each have $500 on you in the betting pool, and I have another $500. Just so you know what's expected of you, Son. I didn't know you knew how to fence, though," he shook his head as he headed back to the bleachers.

"Okay, Booth," Hodgins said as he came up to him. "Here's the salute," he told him, demonstrating the opening salute. "You do that before each point. After that, parry, thrust, and pray. She's damn good at this. And I heard what Cullen said. You are going to be in serious shit at work tomorrow, Dude."

"I am so fucked," Booth moaned. He had Hodgins help him put the head gear on and wanted to curse at how horrible his sight was in the thing. He could see, but not nearly as much as he would like to.

"Oh, by the way, Booth. You got a text message on your cell phone when you were talking with Dr. B," Hodgins said. Booth had asked him to hold onto it in case Parker called. "Your reserve regimental commander sent a message letting you know that your unit got in on the FBI pool and put $1,000 on you to win."

"What the fuck did she do?" Booth moaned. "Call everyone I ever knew to tell them about this?" He looked over at Bones who had her head gear on. She had to know he was in the know about all the betting by now since she simply waved in a jaunty manner to him. "I'm never going to play a joke on Bones ever again!" he swore.

"Good decision," Hodgins chuckled as he went to the bleachers.

Booth stepped up to the spot that was pointed out to him and he faced Bones dead on. She looked small, but potent as she stood in a relaxed manner. Then she struck the opening stance after offering a salute.

"_En garde!_" she said firmly.

_A/N: I decided to write this chapter as an intro to the match as I had changed the focus on the type of sparring. That means that there will be two chapters after this one. I hope that this chapter was as good as the previous four. Let me know what you think. Gregg._


	6. Chapter 6

_Here's chapter 6. Thank you for all the reviews to chapter five. I'm thrilled that the change worked so well for everyone. Here's the fight sequence. Not wanting it to be too one sided, I do have Booth actually accomplishing something in this, though it's more in the way of luck and an acknowledgment of his undoubted natural athletic abilities which his military background honed. Hope it works. Gregg._

_Disclaimer; I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth offered what could be considered a decent salute with his foil and struck a similar pose to the one Bones offered, matching hand for hand. He tried to remember what Hodgins said to him. What was it? Oh, yeah. Parry, thrust, and pray. He altered that slightly and prayed first, and then paid attention to Bones' movement. He saw it almost too late as she made a quick forward thrust, but he parried like he'd seen in a movie once and thrust ahead on his own using a smooth outward inward motion of his arm and wrist keeping her blade away from him while running his along hers underneath. To his complete astonishment, the blade came back perfectly and scored a perfect touch to Bones' chest, dead center. He'd scored a point!

Bones was in shock. Booth shouldn't have been able to do that. He didn't know the first thing about fencing! How could he know such a basic move against a forward thrust if he was not a fencer or swordsman? She had only one choice, though. She stood and bowed her head quickly, acknowledging the point scored. Now she knew that Booth had some natural ability, so she didn't have to take it easy on him, yet still win. It was time to do some serious fencing. Not that she minded, as she enjoyed the mental and physical dimensions of the sport.

"Does Booth actually know how to fence?" Angela asked Hodgins who was sitting right beside her. She didn't know anything about fencing, so she was impressed.

"Not that I know of, but that was a pretty basic move that usually doesn't work, so I doubt it," Hodgins replied, his eyes carefully following the action. He didn't want to say anything, but this was not the ordinary match up. There was no judge in this one, as Dr. B was an expert fencer and was also scrupulously fair. In addition to that they were using non-electric, or dry, foils with an Italian grip and pommel. It made for a potentially more dangerous match, and Hodgins was a tad worried. He'd seen once where such a foil had the bead on the tip broken off, unnoticed by anyone, and the opposing fencer stabbed. Not lethally as the thrust had been to the shoulder, but still painful and dangerous. Maybe he should have brought the EMT's he mused.

The first match went as predicted. Booth got the first point, but lost the next three touches rather quickly, though anyone who knew about fencing had to acknowledge that he'd acquitted himself well on the points. That wasn't to say it wasn't obvious he was a novice. His movements were clumsy and ungangly, even on moves that were rather elementary in fencing. He was noticing the movements of his opponent and was able to parry to some extent, but the superior ability of Bones was very telling. Her moves were graceful and fluid, with just the right nuance to put someone off guard if they were not paying extremely careful attention.

A ten minute break was allowed and the two of them sat next to each other drinking fluids and toweling their heads. Booth was sweating profusely, while Bones was barely damp. Life was so unfair in his opinion.

"Having fun, Booth?" she grinned.

"Thrilled, Bones," he replied sarcastically. "I'm being slaughtered out there. Not only that, but I know of at least $2500 that is going to be lost when this is over with. Cullen, the Director, and the Attorney General each have $500 on me, and my reserve unit has another $1,000."

"Really?" Bones said with a voice full of innocence, but really was genuinely pleased. Booth needed taking down a peg in her estimation after the joke he'd tried on her, and she was just the one to do it.

"You know all about it, Bones, I have no doubt," he shot back. He promised himself again not to ever play a joke on Bones in the future.

"Of course," she grinned. "I believe it's called 'stacking the deck.'"

"Oh, it's stacked alright," Booth complained. "I'll be on desk duty and pushing paper for the rest of my career!"

"Well, time to get back out there," Bones announced way too soon for Booth's taste. "Remember, first to win three matches wins the duel."

"And we know who that'll be," he groaned, though he was more than willing to lose the whole thing because of the prize. He could just do without the utter humiliation and guaranteed retribution from his non-Jeffersonian friends.

The remaining two matches were okay. It was mainly a replay of the first one, with Booth somehow getting a touch here and there, one in the second match and a surprising two in the third match, making that one competitive. Bones had used the old form rules and thus the slap touch was counted, so they each got a couple points that way. The end, though, was inevitable. Bones came in at him head on, but at the last minute did a feint and then whirled with a lateral thrust to the ribs making contact for the final point. She pulled off her head gear and bowed slightly at Booth, acknowledging the end of the match, which he returned, knowing somehow that it was the correct move.

"So how was your first fencing match?" she asked him in an amused tone as she came up to him. She noticed people taking out there check books on the FBI side of the bleachers, especially Cullen, the Director, and the Attorney General. A scowl was on Cullen's face.

"Lousy," Booth told her, sweat pouring off of his face. He wasn't breathing heavy, due to his training, but he was feeling it all through his body because of the very different forms of movement he'd had to endure.

"SWEETIE!" Angela said as she approached them with Hodgins in tow. She turned to Booth. "Sorry about the loss, Booth," she commiserated. Then she turned back to Bren. "That was incredible! How long have you been fencing?"

"I learned in college and kept up the skill," Bones admitted. "You should take lessons, Booth," she told her partner. "You could be really good with some basic lessons and practice."

"Thanks, Bones" he said with a smile. He felt good that she had some confidence in him like that.

"Yeah, lots of practice," Hodgins teased.

"No kidding," Cam added in her dry way, though she was amused.

"Thanks a lot," Booth muttered.

"How come you counted touches that weren't?" Angela asked. She didn't know much about fencing, but she thought touches had to be head on contact with the point of the foil.

While Bones was talking to Angela and the rest of the Squints, Cullen had come over to Booth after having handed over his check for $500 to the organizer of the pool.

"You don't know the first thing about fencing, do you?" he asked Booth directly without preamble.

Booth looked sheepishly at his boss. "No," he admitted. "I had no idea that this was what Bones had in mind until I got here. By then everyone had been making bets."

"My wife is going to have my ass when she sees $500 missing from our checking account," Cullen mused.

"Am I on permanent desk duty?" Booth asked with a sigh.

"You may have a 'few' files to look over for me over the next couple of weeks until payday, but otherwise I don't see any reason to make your punishment too harsh," Cullen told him with a hint of humor, but still being serious. "I can't speak for the Director or the Attorney General, though."

Booth groaned. He knew full well that Cullen's 'few' meant a mountain of the damn things, and he would expect them to be done, on time, in addition to his ordinary duties and case work. "Is it a good time to ask for a few vacation days?" he asked.

Cullen laughed. "Don't even think about it," he told his best agent. He clapped him on the shoulder. "It's been a fun night, Booth. Next time don't piss off that partner of yours. She's vicious!"

"Don't I know it," Booth muttered under his breath as Cullen walked off. He turned his attention to Bones and the others. Bones was trying to explain something to Angela.

"It's a slap touch," Bones said for the fifth time. "By the old form its perfectly acceptable. Think of it as a genuine sword fight. A slashing strike will cut and injure an opponent, so in the old form of fencing it was a legal move to make it more realistic. Here. I'll demonstrate. Booth?"

Booth approached. "Yeah, Bones?" he asked.

"I'm going to demonstrate something," she told him. "Turn around."

He really didn't know what was going to happen so he shrugged and turned around.

"Here's a slashing slap touch, Ange," Bones said as she demonstrated on Booth's but, though not hard. He probably didn't even feel it. She pulled the foil to her, not noticing one small detail. The small bead on the tip caught on part of Booth's garb and pulled off with little effort, slight enough so that neither felt the tug. "Here's a thrust touch," Bones said as she did a quick forward thrust. To her horror, instead of the foil halting on contact and the blade bending, it struck and stabbed right into Booth's right ass cheek! A red spot appeared and grew on the garb covering his ass.

"_**SSHHHIIIIITTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_" Booth screamed as loudly as he could as he was stabbed right in the ass.

_A/N: I couldn't resist the ending of this chapter. I know a bit about fencing, enough to write this, and the last part happened to someone I know, though the stab didn't penetrate as it wasn't a hard thrust, though it could have been serious. I couldn't write a long chapter as I am not competent to write a lengthy fencing sequence, and I wanted to keep the chapters roughly equivalent lengthwise. I hope everyone enjoyed this one, and I am already working on the last chapter. Hopefully I will post it today, but likely it will be tomorrow morning. Let me know what you think. Gregg._


	7. Chapter 7

_Thank you for all the reviews on the sixth chapter. To all those who are fencers, such as Mia, I hope I gave a reasonably decent write up, though I expanded the field of combat to a full training mat as opposed to the standard competition fencing field. Any mistakes I humbly apologize for. Here is the seventh chapter of this story. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

The door to Bones' apartment opened and a groaning Seeley Booth was assisted in by Bones. He was having a difficult time walking, and every step was agony. He couldn't believe it! Bones had stabbed him in the ass! Then to add insult to injury, they'd had to open him up and stitch some of the musculature in his right ass cheek as the foil had damaged some deep muscle tissue. The damn foil had skewered him that deep! The local anesthetic had worn off on the drive over here from the hospital and he was not a happy camper.

"We could have gone to my place, Bones," he said through clenched teeth as he stepped with his right foot, putting pressure on that ass cheek through the tension of the leg movement.

"No," Bones said from his side as she kept a good hold on him as he was a bit unsteady. "I want you here, Booth. You need help and I know where everything is in my own apartment."

"And how the hell am I going to sleep?" he moaned as they made there way back to her bedroom. He didn't mention that he was a bit unnerved by that. He wasn't thinking of the fact that they'd have likely been there anyway if he hadn't been stabbed. Those delightful thoughts would only make him depressed seeing as he was finally going to be with Bones, but not _be_ with her. How truly pathetic was this??? "I sleep only on my right side and that's out."

Bones was a bit nervous. She'd had such plans for this night once she'd issued her challenge in he Diner and now Booth was injured by her hand. He'd done nothing but complain since the injury, and that wasn't like him. Her normal insecurities, which were ordinarily dormant where Booth was concerned, were now in full force and that was causing her to second guess almost everything at this point. The one thing she did know, though, was that she had to be the one to help him. Not only did she injure him, which made her feel responsible for him, but she knew that if the positions were reversed, he would do everything in his power to make sure she was okay. A strange warmth suffused her body as she thought about taking care of Booth. It was a wonderful feeling and she wondered if that was how he felt at being able to help her with anything, or protect her from potential danger.

"Calm down, Booth," she told him once she had him standing in front of her bed. She could have put him in the guest room, but she wanted to be near him. She unbuttoned his shirt and helped him take it off. His t-shirt followed and she resisted the urge to let her hands wander over his chest. She paused a moment when she saw the puckered scar and light line from the gunshot wound the year before when he's taken a bullet meant for her.

"Calm down?" he repeated. "How can I do that, Bones? I was stabbed in the ass! I had a doctor cut my ass open and put stitches in. It hurts like hell to just move, and the ride over here was sheer hell. I'll be using a damn donut under me anytime I sit for the next couple of weeks, and Cullen is going to be loading me up with paperwork! Calm???"

Bones chuckled at his histrionics, since she knew now that he was venting. When he got a bit sarcastic, he was in his venting mode and not really angry with the person he was talking to. It eased her concerns a bit. She reached down and undid his belt buckle, then unhooked and unzipped his pants. She was still a bit upset that he'd insisted on changing into his regular clothes at the hospital instead of the scrubs that had been offered. His damn stubbornness had only made it worse for him.

"Uh, Bones?" Booth said, a nervous hitch in his voice.

"What, Booth?" she asked in an exasperated tone.

"I don't have any boxers on," he pointed out. The pair he'd had on had blood all over them from when she stabbed him.

"It's nothing I haven't seen before, Booth," she logically said as she lowered his trousers. Now it was her turn to hitch her breath. Magnificent! She cursed herself for taking the time to demonstrate the difference in touches to Angela. Now she wouldn't be able to enjoy this incredible specimen firsthand as opposed to her near constant fantasies. At least not for a couple of more weeks.

"But our circumstances have changed a bit, Bones," he managed to squeak out a bit pathetically, though under ordinary circumstances he'd be ripping his clothes off and getting down to business.

"And that means...?" she questioned, her gaze still a bit 'South of the Border'.

"We're together now, Bones, and that look you're giving Seeley Junior down there is not helping matters since I can't do a damn thing about said change in circumstances until my ass heals," he pointed out, clearly embarrassed. Not at the subject, but at the circumstances.

"I could do all the work," she pointed out without meaning to. She cringed slightly as she thought of all the ways he could interpret that, even if in regular circumstances it would be a hell of a lot of fun. But dammit! She was really, REALLY, looking forward to tonight!

Booth hung his head, silently cursing his bad luck. He finally, FINALLY, gets the human sex machine, at least that's the impression he got from all her talk about her numerous lovers over the years and the need to meet her biological imperatives, to acknowledge the importance and desirability of a monogamous relationship, and making a real family no less, and the first night of such bliss, he can't get some. Then said human sex machine, who could surely rock his world if all the talk over the years was anything to go by, offers to do all the work, and he still couldn't do anything about it. He was in too much pain with the slightest movement! Damn!

"I hurt too much for even that," he groaned in frustration.

"Are you mad at me?" she asked awkwardly. She felt horrible over the whole incident, and now that she thought about it, the whole challenge issue. Sure she'd been a bit upset over the e-mail, and really upset at the reminder of his fake funeral the year before, but this was not what she had wished for at all.

"Not really," he groaned as he released a hiss of pain as he laid down on his left side after she turned down the bed. "It was an accident, Bones. I may be in pain and venting a bit, but I don't get angry over accidents."

She nodded slightly, knowing he was telling her the truth. "Turn over on your stomach," she told him. "I need to change the dressing and make sure that the wound isn't suppurating."

"You just can't get enough of seeing my bare ass, huh Bones?" he grunted as he painfully did as she asked.

She raised a brow as she took a good look at the body part in question. With the exception of the dressing, it was perfect in her opinion. Almost pure muscle which gave a tight, firm masculine ass to enjoy. She wanted nothing more than to run her hands over it, massaging, squeezing, and caressing it. That had played into the fantasies of him from almost the time she had met him. Shaking herself from such thoughts for the moment, she deftly ripped the dressing off, smirking at his yelp of indignation at the painful experience.

"I'd like to have some skin left back there, Bones," he grumbled.

"Quit being such a baby, Booth, or I may take the time to check your prostate while I'm back here," she told him.

"No on your life!" Booth said instantly. It was bad enough when his regular physician did that every few years, but there was no way in hell that he was going to let Bones give him the old finger exam! Some things he just could not be comfortable with Bones being a part of. His prostate health was one of the few items on that list.

Bones quickly cleaned the wound, though it was very tidy as it was, and put a fresh dressing on it. The stitching had held nicely, and there was very little suppuration from the drive home.

"How's it look?" he asked when she had the new dressing on.

"Your ass or the wound?" she teased. He really did have a superb ass. Nice and lightly tanned, which surprised her as he didn't seem the type to be into nude sunbathing, or tanning in a booth, no pun intended.

"The wound, smart ass," he sighed. She certainly was in a joking mood, he had to admit. Too bad it wasn't in relation to what they really wanted to be doing. That would have to wait until he could move somewhat normally without serious pain.

"The stitches held nicely and there's very little drainage," she replied, placing a hand on his left ass cheek. She sighed in disappointment at the thought of having to wait to enjoy his body fully. For now she would have to make do with light touches and caresses. That wasn't so bad, but with her heightened state of arousal due to her rather lengthy, for her, abstinence and the fact that they were a couple now about to make a family, she was extremely frustrated. "Why did you send me that e-mail?" she asked suddenly.

Booth put his head on his folded hands and turned his head so that his peripheral vision could see her. "When we left the cemetery it was all so serious," he began.

"But we were laughing," Bones pointed out.

"Bones, I asked you to come and talk to me after I die, and then you told me that it would help you if you did," he pointed out. "That's pretty deep, Bones. I just wanted to lighten the mood. That backfired though."

"It was funny," Bones admitted. "I just didn't like the mention of last year."

"I know, and I'm sorry," he told her. "I did, though, tell you that you could kick my ass over it. And while you didn't do that, you did get to damage my ass."

Bones grimaced again. "The bead on the tip of the foil came off somehow," she pointed out. "I didn't mean to stab you."

"Right, Bones," Booth teased. He winced as a slight movement shot a sharp pain through his ass and leg. "You had it planned all along. I invite you to kick my ass and instead you skewer it."

"You really want me to check your prostate, don't you?" she said archly.

"I still got the best part of the deal, Bones," he said after a moment.

"How's that? You're laying there in pain and have stitches in your ass cheek," she responded.

"Because I came out of this with a family," he told her. "You put aside your fears of a committed relationship, and decided to have a child with me. What's a little pain in the ass compared to that?" he asked her. "When it comes right down to it, Bones, I'm pretty damn lucky. I have been since the day we met, even though I didn't know it at the time."

Bones blushed slightly at the very high compliment she'd just been paid. She stood up. "I've been very lucky, too," she told him as she pulled off her shirt and started undoing her pants.

"What are you doing?" Booth asked, clearly startled. Not that he didn't want to see Bones stripping down, but he was in absolutely no condition to enjoy it! He painfully turned onto his left side so he could see her and talk to her directly.

"I'm getting undressed so I can get into bed," she told him matter of factly. "It's very late and we had a long day. Why?"

"Sleep? Together?" he questioned. Seeley Junior was beginning to stir a bit and Seeley Senior was not in the mood to be seriously embarrassed by becoming aroused and not being able to deal with it.

"Of course, together," she told him as she pulled her pants down and revealed herself to him for the first time fully nude. "Scoot over some," she ordered. As soon as he did, with a panicked look on his face, she noted, she got onto the bed and scooted over to him, getting very close. She decided not to comment on his arousal, though she had to admit to a bit of disappointment at not being able to enjoy it as he would be in too much pain. She leaned her head in close and kissed him, letting it deepen slightly before pulling away. She placed one hand on his hip, sighing a little as her head nestled into the pillow, her eyes on his.

"I'm never going to sleep now," he moaned in frustration.

"That's the idea," she chuckled. "Now I have you at my mercy," she added jokingly. Her earlier fears that he would be angry with her, and reject her help were now gone, replaced by what she hoped were feelings that would last always. "Booth?" she asked.

"Yeah?" he replied as he kept a good notice on where she had her hand. It seemed to be moving a bit.

"Over breakfast we can go over the list I have for you," she told him. "The dos and don'ts when you spend the night now that we're a couple."

Booth should have known that she would come up with something like that for a little revenge. The ass kicking/stabbing had been for the reminder of the fake funeral. The list she had was for the joke he'd played. Now he wished he hadn't taught her about humor so well. Then he noticed something. "Bones?"

"Yeah?"

"My ass is off limits," he told her as he caught her hand and placed it back on the upper part of his hip.

"Damn!" she said as she yawned, letting him know just how tired she really was.

"Good night, Bones," he said softly.

"Good night, Booth," she replied with a wide smile. She moved her hand back down to where she _really _wanted it. She deserved a little fun, after all.

_A/N: Once again thank you for all the incredible reviews. I decided to not end this with this chapter so there will probably be a couple more, maybe as many as four. I also am going to be spending some time on the other stories I have going, so the updates on this one may not be as quick. Sorry. Hope this one worked, as the tone and tempo are different, but the aftermath of a hospital visit would do that. Let me know. Gregg._


	8. Chapter 8

_I hope that this story continues to entertain. I usually like a story that is about 6 or 7 chapters, at least the ones I write, so this is a stretch for me. I want to continue this one into the next day and see what develops. If everyone wants it to continue beyond that, then we can develop it further. I wasn't impressed with the episode too much, but some important concepts were raised that I think can be explored with this story. Let me know what you think. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth woke up with a groan. He had hardly slept a wink all night. First was the constant pain in his ass, which wasn't helped by the fact that Bones had seriously wandering hands which seemed to find his butt fascinating. Every time he thought he had her red handed, so to speak, she would appear dead asleep. You couldn't blame someone for something that they did while asleep. Then to that was added the fact that Bones was sleeping next to him completely naked! Now how the hell could he get any sleep next to what he considered the perfect woman when she was in her birthday suit??? It had eased up when she got a call about 6:00 telling her that she was needed at the lab for something that had happened in the lab. That was three hours ago and he figured she'd be back soon.

He kept on his left side to wait for her. He didn't feel so good right then, and he was sure It was from the local anesthetic he'd been given the night before at the hospital. In the past when he'd had any, he'd been a bit sick to his stomach the next day after it wore off. While he was pondering his situation, he noticed a note on the bedside table. He reached over and pulled it to him.

_Booth-_

_STAY IN BED! Do not try and move about until I get back. I need to check the wound and make sure that the stitches held during the night. When I get back, I'll help you up and put on a pair of sweat pants that I'll get from your place on the way back from the Jeffersonian, unless you want to be a nudist for the day. I think you know my preference! I should be back by 10:00. Parker called this morning and he said he would call you back sometime this morning. Your cell phone is on the bedside table near this note. The bottle of water on the bed is fresh, so if you need a drink, use that. Also when I get back I'll make us some breakfast. I was thinking pancakes, and I have some apple pie from the diner in the refrigerator for you also. After that we can go over the list I have. Love you. Bones._

He frowned a bit. Stay in bed! It sounded like something his mother used to say to him when he was sick as a little boy. Then again, he wasn't feeling like getting up on his own, so he could let it slide this time. Oh who was he kidding. He was so seriously whipped it wasn't funny. Not in a bad way, but it did make it difficult to be forthright with Bones on the personal stuff.'_Let's face it,_' he thought to himself. '_Bones has me wrapped around her little finger, though she doesn't know it._'

And a list? He vaguely remembered her mentioning something about that the night before, but wasn't sure. Knowing Bones, it would be a detailed listing that rivaled a contract of sorts. Payback. He'd been the one played all day yesterday, and the one who got slaughtered, and then stabbed, but for some reason, he was suffering payback! He looked around the bedroom as much as he could in his position. It had some darker colors, but they were pleasant and tasteful. It had just the right blend of feminine and masculine ambiance. The sheets were excellent silk ones of a light mauve color. He would bet money that they were expensive Egyptian silk sheets with a high thread count. Nothing but the best in her home, despite the minimalist form of her décor. The artifacts were the only other evidence of her wealth and status. Just then his cell phone beeped.

"Booth," he answered it without checking the caller ID.

"_Good morning,_" Bones' voice filtered through the cell phone. She sounded like she was in a good mood. "_I was wondering if you'd woken up yet._"

"Just a few minutes ago," he informed her. "Are you going to be back soon? I'd kind of like to get out of bed, though sitting on that damn donut won't be something to look forward to."

"_Actually I was just finishing up,_" she told him with a chuckle. "_The reason I called was that Parker called me a little while ago. I was wondering if you'd like a visitor while we have breakfast? Rebecca told me it was alright so long as we have him back by 3 since they're going to her parents for their anniversary tonight._"

"Sure," Booth brightened instantly. He'd always make time for his son. Parker was the only one who Booth wanted to spend time with more than Bones. "I was going to be talking to him about us today anyway, so this will make it easier."

"_Do you think he'll be okay with the change in our relationship?_" Bones asked nervously. If there was one thing that could alter Booth's commitment, it would be Parker objecting for some reason. Bones could understand that, and agree with the reason Booth would pull back, but it would be very shattering nonetheless.

"You know how Angela's always pestering you about the two of us getting together?" he asked rhetorically. "Well Parker's been doing the same thing to me, though much less graphically and rated for a kid, ever since he met you that time we were locked in the lab on Christmas. He's your most devoted fan outside of me, Bones."

"_Really?_" she asked in wonder.

"Remember those yellow roses you got along with the flowers I got you for Easter?" Booth asked.

"_Yeah,_" she smiled. "_I never did figure out who got them for me._"

"Parker picked them out and asked me if you would like them," Booth revealed. "He wanted to do something nice, but anonymous, for 'Dr. Bones'."

"_I'll have to thank him when I pick him up,_" Bones said with a slight hitch in her voice.

"When do you think you'll get here?" Booth asked. He was getting a bit stiff in his lower back about now and getting up and sitting for a while, even on that damn donut, would probably be better.

"_I just need to sign off on a few things and then pick up Parker before heading to your place to get some clothes for you,_" she answered. "_Say about an hour?_"

"Sounds good," Booth replied. "I'd like to get out of this bed."

"_If you hadn't been such an ass yesterday and started all of this we would be staying in bed _**together**," she told him with a heavy emphasis on together.

"You mean you would have approached me about having a baby yesterday regardless?" Booth asked in surprise.

"_I'd planned on it, but your e-mail convinced me to deliver some payback_," she informed him.

"Oh it was payback, alright," Booth winced as his ass cheek lanced a shot of pain down his leg. "Though next time, how about a nice board game? It's a lot less dangerous for me."

"_I'll see you in an hour,_" Bones told him as she hung up.

Looking around Booth sighed. "She needs a TV in here," he mused, thinking that he could bring it up with her while Parker was here. There was no way she could resist a charm smile from _two_ Booths.

Half an hour later, Bones entered Booth's apartment with Parker. She had a key, which he'd given her a few months before after the incident with Jared, and she was using it for the first time. Parker rushed right in, making straight for Booth's bedroom. She'd told him that Booth was injured, so they needed to get several pairs of sweats and some shirts, along with underwear and socks. She figured that Parker would be of great help in all of that as he was more aware of Booth's personal items than she was. That was going to change, though, she smirked. If she was going to commit to him, she wanted to know the real Booth, the person behind the best friend she'd ever had.

"Dr. Bones?" Parker called out.

She went to the bedroom door and chuckled at what she saw. Parker had dug into his closet and got out a massive duffel bag, at least massive for Parker, and was filling it with almost all the casual clothes Booth owned. Jeans, sweats, t-shirts, sweat shirts, and some casual button down shirts. No underwear, and no socks to speak of.

"What's the matter, Parker?" she asked.

"I think I got too much stuff," he said sheepishly, looking down at the floor.

"Let me help, Parker," she told him as she went over to the bag. "Why don't you get his underwear and socks while I sort this out?"

"Okay," Parker said enthusiastically, happy that Dr. Bones still wanted his help.

Bones sorted out several days worth of casual clothes that were loose, mainly sweats and oversized shorts, and a few shirts that she thought Booth would like. It didn't take long, and by the time she was done, Parker was standing there with a few days of underwear and socks.

"Thank you, Parker," she said as she placed them in the duffel. She went over to his bathroom and got his razor, shaving cream, toothpaste, toothbrush, comb and some deodorant. She noticed some ben-gay in the medicine cabinet and took it too, to sooth that sore derrière of his. She smiled at that thought. If she worked it right, she would be the one applying the medicating cream to his bare posterior. Then he wouldn't be able to remove her hand before she was ready to move it. At this point she'd take what she could get.

"Are you ready, Dr. Bones?" Parker asked from the door.

"All done, Parker," she told the young boy. "Let's go rescue your father from his prison."

"I thought he was at your apartment," Parker said logically, taking what she said literally.

Bones laughed as she finally realized how Booth must feel when she took everything so literally. "He is, Parker," she told him. "But he can't get out of bed without help, so he probably feels trapped like he was in prison."

"Oh," Parker nodded, not quite understanding, but understanding just enough.

"Is there anything you need from here?" she asked.

"No," he told her.

"Then let's go," she ushered him out of the apartment and locked it behind her. Next stop: getting Booth out of bed and fixing breakfast. It should be an interesting morning.

_A/N: Another quick feel good chapter to set up breakfast and a surreptitious revealing of the list Bones has for Booth. Sneaky person she is, she lets him see it while Parker is around so he has little venue to argue, joke or not. Stay tuned. I hope this one didn't drag down the tempo too much. Let me know. Gregg._


	9. Chapter 9

_Sorry about the delay in this chapter, but yesterday I was writing a short piece for a friend who is a fan of Stargate. Here's chapter nine of this one, and I hope that it works for everyone. Included inside is the first idea of what constitutes the "list" that Bones has for Booth. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth was really getting miserable. In the last hour his back had stiffened up even worse than it was before, and he knew that before Bones would let him up, she would insist on changing the dressing again. He knew it had to be done, but damn it it hurt when she ripped off the dressing! It still stung from the night before.

"_Booth?_" he heard Bones say from the front room of the apartment.

"Can I get up now, Bones?" he called out. It may sound like a little kid asking permission, but with the way he felt, stomach, back, and ass, he didn't care.

"Let me change the dressing first," Bones said as she entered the bedroom.

"Hi Dad!" Parker said from beside her. Dr. Bones had said that he could come back into her bedroom with her to see his Dad.

"Hey, Little Man," Booth said to his son, a smile on his face. No matter what, Parker could always lift his spirits. Bones was the same way.

"How'd you get hurt, Dad?" Parker asked. No one had told him how his father had been injured, just that he had.

Booth was torn. He could answer truthfully and tell him that Bones had accidentally stabbed him in the ass with a sword, or he could lie and say that it was just one of those things. Bones appreciated truth, though, and this was, after all, her apartment. Damn!

"Well, last night me and Bones were sparring at the gym, but we were using swords called foils for a sport called fencing. Something happened and when Bones was showing Angela how something was done, her sword stabbed my behind," he very reluctantly admitted.

Parkers eyes widened. "Did it hurt?" he asked. It was the one question kids always asked. Not how much it hurt, which was a more mature reflection on the issue, but _did_ it hurt.

"A lot, Parker," Booth replied. He noticed the arched brow on Bones face and sighed. Of course her wandering hands hadn't helped matters, but he couldn't say anything like that to Parker.

"Parker?" Bones said before the boy could ask anymore questions. "How about you go out in the kitchen and get some milk and eggs out of the refrigerator for the pancakes. Then you can watch some television in the living room while I help your Dad. We'll be out there in a few minutes." She'd already shown him where everything was, and how to use the remotes for the television, so he would be okay. When Parker left the room, closing the door behind him, she turned to her 'patient'. "Roll on your front and I'll change the dressing," she told him as she leaned down for a quick kiss.

"Your favorite part of all this," Booth teased as he did as he was told. It still hurt like crazy to turn over like that, but he managed.

Bones pulled back the covers and once again admired his ass. "Can you blame me?" she asked rhetorically. "You have a very nice ass, Booth, bordering on perfect. Why wouldn't I want to admire it, let alone get my hands on it," she remarked as she let her left hand come down and lightly caress the unblemished cheek.

"I wouldn't know, Bones, seeing as I'm not into appreciating mens butts," he grunted as she suddenly ripped off the dressing. "Do you have to rip off my skin, too, when you do that?" he asked, knowing she wouldn't answer that one since she did so the night before.

"Well I very much like mens asses, so take my word for it," she told him with a chuckle, still holding the good cheek. With a sigh, she released her hold on it and turned her attention to the damaged one. "You have some pretty severe surface bruising, and most likely some deep tissue bruising as well," she said matter of factly. "There's no more seepage from the wound, so all I need to do is clean off the wound area a bit and reapply the dressing." She hesitated. "You do realize that with that amount and depth of bruising, even sitting on the donut is going to be painful."

"I kind of figured that one out already, Bones," Booth sighed. God this was embarrassing! His girlfriend of one day stabs him in the ass and now is moving from fondling his ass to changing the wound dressings. All the while she's doing this, he's laying there with said ass sticking up in the air!

"Okay, I'm finished," Bones said as she took one last minor grope of his ass.

"Thank God," Booth replied. "Did anyone ever tell you that you have wandering hands, Bones?"

Bones grinned. "No," she told him. The she got a mischievous look in her eye. "Just wait until you're 100%, Booth. Your ass isn't the only place my hands want to wander to."

Booth wanted to scream in frustration. "But what about me?" he pleaded a bit. "Don't I get to enjoy a few gropes, too?" Pathetic, childish, but he finally had the hottest woman he'd ever known and he wanted to play, too. So far she was the only one to enjoy the more physical side of the relationship, even if the main event was being put off for a few weeks until his ass healed. He did, though, finally get to see her fully nude, which was a wondrous site to behold, but he'd specifically refrained from touching the good bits since he wasn't going to be able to take it as far as they both would like. He wasn't above a few gropes of her fully clothed, though. Maybe that wouldn't fire him up as much. Who as he kidding? Of course it would fire him up, but with her clothed there would be a barrier of sorts, and after two years of the "Line" barrier, he was an expert at staying behind barriers.

Bones smirked, thinking that men were all the same, and she enjoyed this side of Booth. "That's up to you, Booth," she told him. She leaned down and whispered. "I think you know by now that I won't object."

It took ten agonizing minutes to gradually get Booth off the bed and into his sweats and t-shirt. It was his beloved Pittsburgh Steelers set that she had got for him a couple of years before for Christmas.

"Are you okay?" Bones asked, very concerned since he was moving much slower than she would have expected.

"It's just my back, Bones," he told her. "It stiffened up pretty good laying there on my side."

"On Monday we will be going to the Doctor and this time I will be looking at the X-rays, Booth," she directed as they walked together out of the bedroom, with her providing an arm for assistance.

"I don't want to go back to the Doctor!" he protested. He had the donut gripped in his right hand and if he didn't need it so much, he would have squeezed it so hard as to pop it. This was beyond frustrating.

"Your back is having consistent problems, Booth, from activities that should not be having as drastic effects as they obviously are," she pointed out. "It could be any number of things that I can think of, but we won't know until we have some more X-rays, and a CT scan run on your back."

"Alright," he sighed, knowing that it would do no good to argue as she would make him go to the Doctor anyway. His earlier thoughts the day before about being supremely whipped came back to him.

"DAD!"

Parker's excited yell brought a smile to Booth's face for all of a second and then Booth was engulfed in a serious wave of pain. Parker, excited about seeing his Dad up and about, forgot that the wound was on his Dad's butt and went to hug him fiercely, his hands clamping down on the wounded piece of anatomy. Booth bit his lip to keep from screaming his head off. He had not taken any pain killers yet, and his ass was sore enough to begin with. This made for a veritable explosion of pain.

Bones saw this and intervened as quickly as she could. "Parker?" she said. "I think your Dad would like to sit down while we get the pancakes made. Why don't you go in the kitchen and I'll be right there. Okay?"

"Okay, Dr. Bones," Parker smiled, completely unaware that his Dad was not in too good a shape right then. He went to the kitchen quickly. He was Dr. Bones assistant for the day!

"Can you get me my pain killers after I sit down?" Booth asked, a sheen of sweat forming on his forehead.

"I have them already," she told him. "I'll just get you a glass of water to take them with when we sit you down. I also have part one of the list for you to peruse while you're waiting for me and Parker to make breakfast."

Booth sat down gingerly on the donut which was now in place on the couch. It hurt like a son-of-a-bitch, but he was damn sure that it would be a whole lot worse if he wasn't using the offending article.

"_Part One???_" Booth shot her an incredulous look. This did not sound good. For all he knew, she was serious about this damn list business.

"Of course," she smiled down at him as he squirmed trying to get comfortable, or as comfortable as possible under the circumstances. "I have a list of rules for the bathroom, living room, bedroom, kitchen, my office at the Jeffersonian, the SUV while we're working on a case, and one for when we're at a crime scene. Here's the one for the bathroom," she said as she handed him a couple of sheets of typewritten pages, double spaced. She turned with a wide smile on her face and walked to the kitchen where Parker was waiting for her patiently. "Ready to get to work, Parker?" she asked.

"Yeah!" the young boy said excitedly.

Booth meanwhile was sitting there with a stunned expression on his face while glancing through the first list. _Seven_ lists??? This was payback on a monumental scale. He looked up at the ceiling. "Help," he pleaded. He was going to need some divine intervention on this one. This relationship was going to happen, he just needed to convince Bones that he was genuinely sorry about that whole fake death thing the year before. Apparently she still harbored a smidge of residual frustration over it. He made a note to have a talk with Sweets about his damn interference back then. If he had to live with Bones getting payback, then Sweets was going to suffer, too. He shifted again and the donut popped, slamming Booth down on the couch full sit. "Damn!" he swore viciously, but quietly as his ass throbbed in pain. "This isn't helping," he said to the ceiling. Looking over at the kitchen he did the only thing he could. "Bones!"

_A/N: Here it is. Thank you for the reviews on chapter eight. In answer to one question asked by Dana in Australia since I'm not able to respond to her review directly, I live in the United States on western half in the state of Oregon. Thank you for the kind words. In then next chapter you'll be getting a bit of the list that has Booth so worried. Let me know what you think. Gregg. _


	10. Chapter 10

_Sorry about leaving it off like I did in the last chapter, but I want to try and keep the chapters as even as possible in terms of length, in addition to having good break points between chapters. In this one, Booth thinks about the first list he was given, and tries to finagle a television for Bones' bedroom. Will having Parker there help? Hope you all enjoy it. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

After a suitable replacement for the popped donut had been found and placed under him, Booth began to scan the list that Bones had given him for the Bathroom. It was rather complete from what he could see.

_Booth-_

_Here's the first of the lists I have made up for you to follow when in my apartment now that we are a couple. This one covers appropriate bathroom behavior. _

_That ridiculous beer hat is strictly forbidden._

_No smoking cigars, and that is also forbidden anywhere in the apartment._

_No graphic novels are allowed. If you need something to read, then something educational will be easily obtained from my collection of books. I suggest trying an Anthropological Journal._

_The toilet seat is to be put back down every time you use the toilet. Swift and severe consequences will follow if this one is violated._

_I have priority on use of the bathroom at all times, even if I'm just doing my hair or touching up my makeup. In other words, as I heard Angela say to Hodgins once, "Hold it."_

_Space will be made for your toiletries in the medicine cabinet, but at no time are your toiletries to be left on the counter or by the sink._

_There is a dirty clothes hamper in the bathroom for used towels and any other dirty garments. Use it or you will be scrubbing the entire bathroom with your toothbrush._

_The shower stall, and the glass door on the shower, will be wiped down and dried after each use. I can't stand mildew, and this will prevent that as much as possible. In addition, turn on the fan and humidifier system when taking a shower._

_The bathroom is to be thoroughly cleaned once a week, which chore we will trade off on._

_Sex is allowed in the shower, and in the bathtub, but not outside of those two venues in the bathroom. That means no testing the counter strength, Booth._

_This is just a basic idea of what's expected. This may, of course, be subject to modification as we adjust to the change in circumstance. Love you. Bones._

Booth felt like he was back in the military and he was being given the regulations for all the different aspects of daily life. He looked over at Bones and watched her with Parker. The kid was clearly enjoying helping her, and she was extremely patient with Parker. He sighed. He could watch them for hours and not get bored. This list, though. No comic books? No beer hat??? That one hurt the most. He loved that hat. It was something that he had done up himself after seeing something like it on television years ago. Not like the old Beer Bong hats in college, this one was more realistic. And what's that bit about "hold it"? Sometimes a person really had to go, you know. And the worst part of it all was that he couldn't say a damn thing about it. Parker was here. Damn! She'd played him again. She gave him this knowing full well he wouldn't say anything while his son was with them. He looked back at her and saw her looking at him with a sly smile on her face. Then she winked at him. He'd definitely taught her too well.

The pancakes were perfect, and in a gesture to his carnivorous side, she had made him sausage. Parker also had some sausage with his pancakes. Booth decided to spring his own plan into action.

"Hey, Bones, I was just thinking that you need a TV in your bedroom," he commented.

Parker perked up. "That would be so cool, Dr. Bones!" he said enthusiastically.

"But I already have a television in the front room," Bones pointed out. "At your suggestion, too, Booth. Why would I want one in my bedroom?"

"But what if you were sick, Dr. Bones?" Parker asked her. "You wouldn't be able to watch your favorite shows if you had to stay in bed."

"He's right, Bones," Booth prodded, a smile on his face. His boy had made a logical argument to Bones and was doing exactly what he had wanted him to do.

Bones looked at her two Booth boys. They each had what Angela called a "puppy dog" look on their faces. Booth was looking at her carefully, no doubt trying to see any chink in her resolve. She had to admit that the television in the living room had been a good investment as she had learned more about pop culture while watching sports and sitcoms with Booth. But in her bedroom? How large of a television was Booth pushing for anyway?

"How big of a television are you thinking about?" she asked finally.

"If it was me," Booth said as he leaned back in his chair, "I'd go with the 54" wall mounted plasma screen."

"But that's larger than the one in the living room!" she protested. The fact that it was wall mounted had been the factor that led her to purchase the one in the living room as it wouldn't take up floor space. It was only 42" though.

"_PLEASE!!!_" Booth begged like a little child.

"Yeah, please, Dr. Bones!" Parker joined his Dad in pleading for a television on her bedroom. Not that he'd ever see it, but his Dad would.

Now that just wasn't fair in Bones' opinion. Now both of them had that charm smile she was almost powerless to resist. If anything, Parker was even more effective with it than Booth was. Then an idea popped into her head. She smiled.

"Alright, we'll get a television," she told the two Booth mischief makers. "You can stay here Booth since you aren't moving around too well, and Parker can come with me to help me make a selection."

Booth's jaw fell a bit. He wanted to go with her and pick out the TV! No fair! Then he thought about how much his son adored Bones, and then factored in the fact that Bones was right. He wasn't moving about well and it would only lead to more pain. Not that he minded pain, he just liked to avoid it as much as possible.

"Okay," he feigned a pretty good pout. "Looks like you get to keep helping, Bones, Little Man," he told his son as he ruffled the boys hair affectionately.

"When we're done I'll take him to Rebecca's," Bones assured Booth. It pained her that Booth couldn't have Parker for the whole weekend, but for one of the rare times she could remember, Rebecca was doing something that was important which kept him away from Booth. Parker should be seeing his Grandparents as often as possible, and she knew that Booth agreed.

"Thanks, Bones," Booth said sincerely, knowing she would know he was referring to arranging for Parker to be here for breakfast.

"Any time, Booth," she told him just as sincerely. She turned to Parker. "Take your plate and glass into the kitchen and then we'll get ready to go find a suitable television."

"Okay, Dr. Bones," Parker said with some excitement. He was really getting to do some fun things with Dr. Bones. "What about Dad?" he asked. "Is he going to be okay here by himself?"

Bones' eyes twinkled with amusement. "I don't know, Parker," she deadpanned. "Will you be okay here all by yourself, Booth?"

"What's my reward if I say yes?" Booth played his part to the hilt. All of this was so surreal. Here he was in a relationship with Bones, they were joking around like kids, and his son was all a part of it. Decidedly out there, but a whole lot of fun. Now if his ass didn't feel like a sledge hammer was constantly being bashed against it things would be perfect.

"Remember what you were wanting that I'd already enjoyed?" she asked teasingly now that Parker was in the kitchen.

Booth remembered after a moment. "Yeah," he said, trying to contain his excitement.

"I think if you behave a suitable reward is a few hours cuddling on the couch and letting your hands wander a bit," she informed him.

Booth's eyes widened. "That's fair," he got out as steadily as he could.

Fifteen minutes later, after Bones had helped him onto the couch with a good, soft pillow under his ass, he was all alone. He turned on the TV and leaned back to watch a baseball game and think about all the wandering his hands were going to be doing that afternoon. He smiled. Wandering _and_ exploring. He'd call it his own personal lab time. Bones would like that label he was sure.

_A/N: I wanted to get this short chapter out quickly to make up for the delay in getting out the ninth chapter. I hope everyone enjoyed this one. Next up: the shopping trip and the reward. Let me know what you think. The reviews have been fantastic. Gregg._


	11. Chapter 11

_I'm glad everyone enjoyed Chapter 10 and the list that was produced. In this one, Bones and Parker shop for a television, while Booth is at the apartment looking over a new list that Bones left for him to find. Hope you all enjoy this one. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

"Come on, Dr. Bones!" Parker shouted excitedly as they made their way into the large store called Entertainment World that Booth had taken her to when she bought the television she had in the living room.

"I'm coming, Parker," she told him. "Slow down a bit. We have a little time. Let's head back to the television section and see what they have."

As always, Bones was astonished at the massive variety such a store held. She had never really been interested in entertainment as such, though she did have an excellent entertainment center devoted to music. When they reached the back of the store which held the televisions, she gave Parker some instructions. Mainly about staying with her at all times and to not interrupt when a sales clerk was helping them.

"May I help you today?" a young man said after they'd been there for a few minutes.

"I'm considering a television for my bedroom," Bones explained.

"Is there a particular type you're looking for?" he questioned, hoping to narrow it down.

"I don't know about brands, but a 54" Plasma flat screen with a wall mount," Bones replied. She was still glancing around.

"We have several models, depending on the quality and price you're looking for," the sales clerk informed her already mentally going over the ones they had in stock. "They're right over here."

When they got to the ones that the sales clerk was showing them, Bones looked at Parker. The boy was enthralled with the televisions. Like Father, Like Son, she mused with a small smile. She'd always enjoyed seeing Booth excited about something that wasn't work related. His whole demeanor radiated his emotions, and she was able to read him quite clearly. He was the only person she knew that she was able to do that with. Parker, she could see, was the same way.

"Which one would you choose, Parker?" she asked. She wanted to let him be a part of this, and was inclined to go with the young boy's judgment as he watched much more television than she ever would.

Parker really tried to think about this one. Dr. Bones was asking his opinion on something, and he didn't want to disappoint her. He wanted to show her he could be depended on. He looked carefully at each of the TV's on the wall, taking in the picture on each. Finally he pointed at one on the top left.

"That one," he told her.

"He knows his televisions," the clerk said with a smile. "That's the best one we sell. The price may be a bit high, but a wall mount comes with it, and free delivery and installation of the mount and running of the cables."

Bones looked at the price tag: $3,100.00. It was a bit expensive, but she could afford it with no problem. Her accountant was always discussing with her how to spend her money, so she looked at this as just one more investment. That it would make Booth happy was simply one more added benefit. Granted it was a bit large for her tastes, but she wanted Booth to be happy, despite the running joke about lists.

"Can it be delivered and installed this afternoon?" she asked.

The clerk thought for a minute. "Ordinarily no," he replied. "But I think we had a couple of schedule changes. Let me go check and we can go from there."

"You're really going to get the one I picked?" Parker asked, clearly in awe of the idea.

"Of course, Parker," she told him. "You're my assistant today, and the sales clerk said that you picked the best one. It only makes sense to take you advice."

"We have an opening for a delivery at 3:30 this afternoon if that's convenient for you," the sales clerk said as he returned. "Is this the one your going to purchase today?"

"Yes it is," Bones said as she got her wallet out of her purse. "Do I make the arrangements for payment and delivery through you?"

"Right this way," the clerk told her and led them to his station where a purchase could be made.

Fifteen minutes later Bones and Parker walked out of the store, Parker sporting a wide grin. Bones had added a DVD/VCR combo to the purchase and some stereo speakers that also were of a flat panel style that could be wall mounted. She figured that Booth would enjoy the speakers if he ever watched a game in her bedroom, which she liked the thought of. She looked at her watch and saw that she had a couple of hours left before having to have Parker back to Rebecca.

"How about we go and find some DVD's for the player we bought and then we can have some ice cream?" she suggested.

"Yeah!" Parker said excitedly.

"Let's go," she chuckled. She'd have to talk to Booth about being able to spend more time with Parker if possible. Being around him would better prepare her for having her own child. Plus she enjoyed being near Parker.

Within five minutes of Bones and Parker leaving, Booth found the list that she had left on the couch near him. He scanned the heading and saw that it was the one for when at a crime scene. With sigh, wondering what nightmare was going to be facing him this time, he read the list.

_Booth-_

_Here is a list of simple common sense rules for when we are at a _**crime scene**_. These are non-negotiable, of course. By the way. The prohibition of the beer hat, cigars, and graphic novels are also non-negotiable on the first list I gave you. The rest are negotiable, even the counter strength one. Love you, Bones._

_Rule #1: Bones is always right. Remember that one as we seem to be having more arguments about crime scenes lately. This rule will make it all go much smoother, especially as I am usually proven correct anyway once we have returned to the lab._

_Rule #2: No staring at my ass, even when I am bent down examining remains. It does us no good for you to get aroused and neither of us be able to do anything about it._

_Rule #3: Rule # 2, only applied to by boobs. Same reason as Rule #2._

_Rule #4: No flirting, or flashing that charm smile, to anyone other than myself. Flirt with another woman, especially a law enforcement officer, and you will be singing soprano for some time to come, though I would simply hit them with a knee rather than cut them off. (See, I do know some pop culture slang expressions. Angela taught me that one a long time ago.)_

_Rule #5: No sex at a crime scene, even if there are some rather provocative, and hidden locations ideal for a "booty call"._

_Rule # 6: These rules, except for #4, do not apply to the SUV going to, or coming from, a crime scene._

Booth thought that this one was a disaster. She had effectively neutered him at a crime scene. How the Hell did she expect him to not stare at her ass or boobs? That was like asking a severely dehydrated man to ignore the cool, clean spring water he'd just happened upon. Bones was the perfect female package, dammit! The no flirting he could understand to a point, but what if they needed some information that only a little flirting, with absolutely no meaning whatsoever, could obtain? He'd have to try and rework that one if possible, as he didn't like the idea of being a soprano. He mentally crossed his legs as he thought about it. And Bones is always right??? Talk about an inflated ego! But that was his Bones, so that one should have been expected.

And what was it about his beer hat that was so bad? It wasn't like he'd ever be using it if she was in the tub with him. Not even he was that insane. What right thinking, heterosexual male would prefer a cold beer to a naked woman, who was incredibly HOT, in the bathtub? Not Special Agent Seeley Booth, thank you very much. The cigar he could understand. Bones opposed smoking to begin with, and she wanted him healthy. Hence no cigars, and always encouraging him to spend a fortune on organic foods, which encouragement he happily ignored. How on Earth could she expect him to pay $4 for a single tomato?! That was just nuts in his opinion.

Now he had to wait for Bones to get back. He hated not being able to do anything, especially when it involved Parker. The kid was really getting big nowadays. Booth was always a bit sad that he wasn't able to share so much of his sons life, but it had not been by choice. In many ways he couldn't blame Rebecca for turning down his marriage proposal. It had been a bad time in his life, and he knew now that it would have ended in divorce. To a certain extent, Rebecca had been thinking of what was best for Parker, and there was no way he could fault that. Now that he and Rebecca were getting along much better, perhaps he could talk to her about being able to spend more time with Parker, especially now that he and Bones were a couple. Before he even knew it, he'd fallen asleep again, ignoring the throbbing pain in his backside.

_A/N: I decided to split up the original version of this chapter in order to have a single chapter deal with Booth getting to enjoy a small fraction of the "physical" benefits of a genuine relationship with Bones. I tried to make the list above both humorous, while a bit on the realistic side. I hope it worked for everyone. I'm sorry about the delay on this one, but taking more time for coming up with the list, as well as real world concerns conspired against me. Let me know what you think. Gregg._

_A/N2: Thank you once again for all the great reviews that this story has garnered. I would also like to add a "you're welcome" to Dana who I am unable to respond to directly, and congratulations on her upcoming marriage and name change (I like the name, too, by the way. _:)_ ). As to the suggestion, I actually have one started that is still waiting my attention when things get caught up. I'll see about incorporating some of your ideas. All the best to everyone._


	12. Chapter 12

_I couldn't resist a chapter where Sweets shows up and discusses things with Booth, though that wasn't his idea at the time. I hope you enjoy this one. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth woke up with a start. His ass still hurt, but not quite as bad as before. Perhaps the painkillers he took just before Bones left were working. He looked at the clock and found that Bones would be gone for another hour and a half or so. He sighed deeply. This was just plain boring. The he saw the two lists he'd been given thus far and scowled. No beer hat! No cigars! No "graphic novels"! And no flirting! This was all Sweets' fault, he just knew it. The little shit started this no, no, no business a year ago when the kid prevented Bones from knowing that he was really alive. Well misery loves company! He grabbed his cell phone and punched in Sweets' phone number, impatiently waiting for an answer. Not getting one, outside of voice mail, he switched to a text message.

_Sweets! Get your ass over to Bones' place mucho pronto! This is all your fault and I'm very unhappy with you right now! And no stopping for a quickie! Booth._

'_There. That oughta put a scare into the kid,_' Booth thought with a smile. Scaring the crap out of Sweets always put a smile on his face. He gave it about ten minutes and the kid would either be here, or calling to let him know he was on his way right then.

Sure enough, ten minutes later Booth's cell phone rang and he saw that it was Sweets calling.

"Hey, Sweets," he said with a serious tone.

"Uh, Agent Booth," Sweets said hesitantly. "I'm about five minutes away. Just what is it that is my fault?" He was seriously worried as Booth had made it very clear that his life wouldn't be worth thinking about if things didn't work out with Dr. Brennan. The second that he'd seen the text message he'd paled and silently prayed to whatever gods may exist for some sort of mercy.

"These lists that Bones is laying out for me!" Booth said firmly. "We are going to have a little chat about the root cause of said lists, Sweets, and it boils down to you. Now get your ass in gear and over here. I want you gone before Bones gets back!"

Five minutes later there was a knock at the door. Booth smiled.

"Get in here, Sweets!" he yelled out, though not too loud as there were neighbors down the hall.

Sweets walked nervously into the apartment of Dr. Brennan and found Special Agent Booth sitting on what looked like a pillow on the couch. The almost malevolent look on Agent Booth's face was a bit unnerving.

"Agent Booth," Sweets said with as much gumption as he could muster.

"Sweets," Booth gestured to the easy chair that was in front of one of the large bookcases. "Take a seat and have a look at those two lists that Bones gave me," he ordered.

Sweets picked up the lists and quickly read them, his brows rising with each rule. "I take it you're not happy with these lists," he ventured.

"Good guess," Booth snapped. "And she tells me that there are five more on the way, no less. It's all your fault, Sweets."

"Dude," Sweets held up his hands in a "not me" gesture. "You're the one who tried to send a joke e-mail to Dr. Brennan."

"Sweets, Sweets, Sweets," Booth shook his head. "My joke isn't what led to the sparring match from Hell, or these lists. No, it's more basic than that. You got me in some serious shit a year ago by making Bones think I was dead. Now she's still a bit miffed at the whole thing, somehow, and now she's getting her revenge with the specifics in these lists. Look at that, Sweets. NO beer hat? NO cigars? NO comic books? And that's just the damn bathroom! I love my beer hat, Sweets, and now it's biting the dust when it comes to being here at Bones' apartment. A place, I might add, that I hope to spend a lot of time at."

Sweets had heard about the beer hat and wondered what Dr. Brennan had against it. "But most of these things on the lists are not terribly unreasonable," he pointed out.

"But no comic books???" Booth shot back. "No admiring glances of her better physical features? Come on, Sweets. You are a guy, aren't you? There has to be an ounce of testosterone in there somewhere. We live for comics, ogling, and beer hats!"

"I'll ignore for the moment your maligning of my masculinity, and focus on what concerns me the most about this situation," Sweets replied. "I still do not see how Dr. Brennan's desire to impose certain innocuous rules for various aspects of your admittedly complicated relationship is in any way my fault."

Booth settled down when Sweets said that. Bones was, admittedly, very regimented in her everyday life, both professionally and personally, so trying to have a certain bit of regimentation in a _really_ serious, as opposed to _possibly_ serious, relationship made a certain modicum of sense.

"It's not bad in that sense, Sweets," Booth told the younger man. "It's only bad in that there seems to be little or no discussion about it, and she boils her rather impressive tiff down to what happened last year. So I have a plan."

Sweets gulped. The glint in Agent Booth's eyes had returned. "And that would be?" he asked.

"I think you should have a little talk with Bones and tell her that the whole disaster last year of her not knowing about my fake death was your fault and no one else's. You will also convince her that the sole reason she was not informed was that you made the call, not me, not Cullen, not anyone else," he told Sweets. "Then you will do your damnedest to make sure that yours truly is not the butt of any more hostility. I suggest you offer her the chance to fence with you. You'd have a lot of fun, Sweets, especially the part where your ass gets skewered."

Sweets paled when he realized that Booth was serious about him speaking to Dr. Brennan. He was fairly certain that Agent Booth didn't want him to get hurt, but he was equally certain that Agent Booth was very desirous of having the latent anger displayed at various times by Dr. Brennan staunched once and for all. That wouldn't end the bantering back and forth with the lists, which he felt both enjoyed, but it would calm down some of the seemingly more petty requirements. The humor was obvious, but the emotions behind it was not so humorous. Sweets was now beginning to realize the full blown consequences of his actions the year before.

"Anything else?" he asked.

"Apologize to her," Booth said, and this time he made sure that Sweets knew he was serious. The other parts of what he'd told Sweets he could care less about. The apology, though, would tell Bones that it really was Sweets who was at fault. It wouldn't take away from the fact that he hadn't told her himself somehow, but it would let Bones understand that he genuinely thought she knew. It would also let these lists be what they should be: fun banter that he and Bones could enjoy at the start of their relationship. That and the fact that he wanted his Beer Hat, dammit!

Sweets now understood what Agent Booth really wanted. Sweets had never really apologized as such, but Booth wanted that to happen. He also was beginning to understand just how deep the friendship/relationship was between these two, and it was much more than he thought anyone had ever surmised.

"I'll talk to her Monday morning," he told the rather frightening FBI Special Agent.

"See that you do, Sweets, or we will be having a _really_ serious discussion about all this," Booth said firmly, closing this whole business on that note. "Now I don't want you here when Bones gets back, so go on back to whatever you were doing when I called. And remember, Sweets. Monday."

"First thing, Agent Booth," Sweets said at the door and then he left the apartment happy that his manhood had been left intact. He had the feeling that if Agent Booth felt another discussion was necessary, it wouldn't have a very nice ending.

Booth turned on the TV and settled back to watch a Phillie's game. If he had to be stuck like this until Bones returned and he could begin his lab work, then this was the way to spend the time. He looked around. Damn! He forgot to ask for some beer before she left. "This sucks," he said out loud.

_A/N: I felt that a scene with Sweets would be fun. I think that using this to get at the latent feelings that anyone would likely have about an incident like the year before is a good thing as it allows Booth to vent, and allows Sweets to see what kind of effect he had. I also wanted to do a scene where Booth threatens Sweets, but it comes out that he was only after something simple. Hope you all enjoyed this one. Let me know. Gregg._


	13. Chapter 13

_Now that the short interlude that I took in order to watch and write an addition for The Critic in the Cabernet is over, I can now refocus my attention on this story. Here's chapter 13. The installer has come and gone, and now Booth and Bones are relaxing in front of the mammoth television now in her bedroom. Hope you all enjoy it. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth was finally enjoying this day. Not that Parker being here for awhile while they had breakfast, but this right now was almost perfect. The television that Bones and Parker had chosen was installed and they were now in her bedroom relaxing on the bed enjoying the DVD that Bones had bought for him. Imagine his delight when she showed up with a history of his beloved Steelers! He was even comfortable. She'd found him a gel pillow for his ass and it was perfect. Now he could sit up in the bed, with Bones snuggled up next to him.

"This is a great TV, Bones," he said for probably the hundredth time. He took a drink of the beer that she'd brought him a few minutes before.

"Thank Parker," she told him for at least the hundredth time also. "He was the one who picked it out. And the DVDs as well." She pulled out something for him to peruse. "Here's the list for the SUV."

Booth almost groaned, but held it in. Sweets was going to be speaking to her Monday, so he could hold out that long, he figured. Besides, it was kind of cute, in a way, to see Bones really trying to fit a relationship into a box she could understand and depend on. He glanced at the list and almost had a coronary.

_Booth,_

_Here's the list for when we're using the SUV. It applies whether on the way, or coming from a crime scene, or if we're just riding around enjoying each other's company._

_#1: Talking dirty is not only allowed, but it is encouraged. Think of it as an in person version of phone sex. It will also improve your role playing skills._

_#2: Clothing is optional from the waist down. I like to have something impressive to look at on long drives. I assume you do, too, but you'll have to make do with what I have to offer. Men are much more enjoyable to look at._

_#3: Angela made mention about testing the shock absorbers, so I think frequent testing of them is called for, preferably in the back of the SUV, but on the hood is also alright. (Make sure you have a sign made that says "If this SUV's a rockin', don't come a knockin'". Also Angela's suggestion.)_

_#4: Make sure that an air mattress is in the supplies with a good electric air pump for quick inflation in case we need to make a stop for a quickie on the way to a crime scene._

_#5: Wandering hands are most definitely allowed, and indeed desired._

_#6: This is the only negative on the list. I will not perform oral sex on you while you are driving. Oral sex in the back of the SUV will definitely happen, though._

_#7: Even during a quickie, I expect at least two, preferably three, orgasms. If you do not induce said orgasms, then I get to drive to and from crime scenes for the next week. I also get to control the use of the siren._

_There it is, Booth. I think you'll like this one better than the others thus far. Love you, Bones._

Booth set down the list and couldn't decide whether to shout for joy, or cry at the injustice of getting a list that could induce a wet dream and not be able to do anything about said list. He had to admit that when Bones made a point of letting someone know that she wanted a physical relationship, she didn't waste any time. Half naked in the SUV? Wandering hands encouraged?? Frequent testing of the shocks??? Good lord he was going to be worn to a frazzle when she got done with him, and that was going to be just on an average day if this list was anything to go by. He did, though, make a mental note to purchase a heavy duty air mattress and put it in the SUV supplies. He had a feeling that it would be getting quite the field testing when he was up to snuff again.

"That's, uh, quite the list, Bones," he said when he found his voice again.

"You like it?" she smiled as she set her head back against his chest, feeling his heart beat.

"Well," he said in a slight drawl. "It sure is interesting. And I can guarantee you that I am all in favor of the activities mentioned, though number one's a bit of a stretch. Number 7, though, I think we need to discuss. I mean, I know I'm good, but you require two orgasms at least during a _quickie_??? That's a bit much, isn't it, Bones?"

"Not for the one having the orgasms," she chuckled. She let her fingers dance along his abdomen, enjoying the slight tensing of his abdominal muscles. She also noticed the nicely growing bulge in his sweat pants. _Very_ nice.

"But driving for a week, and control of the siren," he whined just a bit. It just figured that after a totally awesome list, she'd put something terrifying in there. "How about four days and control of the siren for one day?" he wheedled.

"Five days and three for the siren," she countered. She was enjoying this.

"Four and a half and two on the siren," he replied.

"Deal," she smiled as she tickled his belly button.

He took a hold of her hand. "Easy there, Bones," he admonished. "It hurts just to laugh."

"And whose fault is that?" she asked playfully. She felt his free hand wandering a bit up her side and lightly brushing the side of her breast. She moaned slightly at the softly sensual feel of that.

"It's my fault I got stabbed with a fencing foil?" he asked a bit incredulously.

"Of course," she replied. "You sent that e-mail with the reminder of last year which was the root cause of me issuing the challenge. So it's really all your fault," she told him, using her own sort of logic.

"You know, it's a damn good thing that Sweets doesn't listen in on our conversations," Booth commented. "He'd have a field day with all we come up with to talk about."

"And banter about," Bones giggled.

Booth got a wondrous expression on his face. "Did you just giggle?" he asked. He'd only heard her do that a couple of times in the years he'd known her. Chuckle or laugh, yes, but not giggle.

"What? Can't I giggle if I feel like it? I am a girl, Booth, and as Angela is always saying to me when I get serious, girls should giggle. It breaks the monotony," she explained.

"I thought that's what I did," he teased.

"But you're not around 24 hours a day," she pointed out. "You could be though if you moved your office to the Jeffersonian," she half seriously suggested. It was something that she'd thought about as they had been working on many more cases than usual the last year or so. To her knowledge he was now doing most of his case work through the Jeffersonian instead of the other way around.

"No," he said instantly. "Don't get me wrong, Bones, I love you guys, even Foster, but I don't think I want to give up my office at the Hoover Building. Besides, I don't think I can handle being around the lab all the time."

"We'll see," she said with an impish smile. Before she could say anything, they heard the front door open and a voice boom out.

"_Are you home, Baby_?"

"Max?!" Booth paled.

"Dad?" Bones said with a smile. She hadn't seen him much the last couple of months as he'd been working on some projects for some sister institutes of the Jeffersonian's. Just as she was about to call out to him, her bedroom door opened and there stood her Father.

"Now isn't this a cozy little sight?" Max smiled. He let his gaze focus on Booth. "I see you finally got you head out of your ass, huh Booth?"

"I'd rather not talk about my ass, Max," Booth grimaced.

"Go and make some coffee, Dad, and I'll be out in a minute so we can talk," she told her father.

"Okay, Baby," Max said happily. He'd been hoping that his daughter would get together with Booth for almost as long as he'd known the man. He couldn't wait to find out how this came about. He walked away to the kitchen.

"I'm dead," Booth said morosely. Max may be pretty encouraging about the whole idea of a relationship with Bones, but Bones was his daughter. No Father liked the idea of his daughter in bed with a man, or finding her like that, either, no matter how innocent it was.

"Don't worry, I'll protect you," Bones said as she gave him a kiss and walked out of the bedroom.

"Now I'm really dead," Booth sighed. He took another swig of beer and leaned back to continue watching his DVD. It just figured that someone like Max would ruin lab time. He also needed to correct her about something from the list. Men were _not_ more enjoyable to look at. No way. Women were the real viewing treat. She needed to rethink that statement. He'd discuss it with her after Max left, though. Some things were private, after all.

_A/N: A little hand wandering, and a new list. Add in Max and I think it's a bit of fun. I've never written Max before, so I decided to add him in and have a fun time in the next chapter with him. I hope everyone had fun with this list. Let me know._

_A/N2: In answer to Dana's question, my stories are all posted on this site and also my homepage, a link to which is provided on my profile on this site. When I eventually write the story she asked about, it will be on both sites._


	14. Chapter 14

_I wanted to write this one over a period of several days to make sure I got it right as I haven't written for the character of Max before. I hope that this one is a good transition chapter as I want both of the principal characters to do some thinking as a result of their talks with Max. Don't worry, the lists will keep on coming, but I think that this chapter will allow for some further development of the characters. I hope that you all enjoy this one. Let me know. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

"So, you and Booth," Max smiled at his daughter as she came out into the kitchen of her apartment where Max was pouring a cup of coffee.

Brennan blushed slightly, though she didn't have anything to hide. Her Father had as much as said before that he wanted her and Booth to be a couple. "Yeah," she said with a certain hesitancy. She may have a decent relationship with her Father now, thanks in no small part to Booth, but she still had a certain reticence.

"Good," Max said with the smile he always had for her. He sat down at the table and slid across a cup of coffee for her, too. He took a sip. "You never mentioned anything when we talked the last couple of months I've been gone, so I assume this is recent?" he wheedled. Above anything else, like all who knew them, he was curious as to how it came about. He'd never seen two more blind and stubborn people in his life, himself included.

"As of yesterday," Brennan revealed. "He sent me an e-mail and it got me mad, so I challenged him to a sparring match."

"Is that why he looked like he was a bit _uncomfortable_ in your bedroom, and sitting on a large pillow?" Max asked curiously. He knew of his daughters many martial arts black belts, so he knew that any sparring match between them would be a 'painful' experience.

Now Brennan really blushed. "I stabbed him in the ass with a foil," she admitted reluctantly.

Max's eyes widened and then he let loose a deep, playful laugh. "Now that's something that I would have paid to see!" he told her delightedly. He felt sorry for Booth, of course, but the image was just too hilarious to be too sympathetic. _Em_pathetic yes, but not _sym_pathetic.

"It was a little humorous to see now that I think back on it," Brennan revealed, though she admitted that she'd been horrified at the time. She didn't tell that part to her Father, though. She spent the next few minutes explaining about the fencing and how she used it to get back at Booth for his e-mail. She also explained how the stabbing happened and the trip to the hospital and Booth's staying with her while he recovered. Then she decided to see what her Father had to say about the lists that were going back and forth between herself and Booth. It was pretty amusing, after all. She got up and pulled out copies of the original e-mail from Booth and then the three lists she'd already given him. "Here is the original e-mail from Booth and the three lists I've given him so far," she told Max.

Max spent a few minutes reading them over and he had to admit, his baby girl was really doing a number on the FBI agent. Not that he had any problems with it, of course, but it was a bit controlling. He decided to have some fun of his own with Booth, while at the same time knowing that these lists were simply an extension of the bantering that Booth and his daughter were such masters at. He looked forward to seeing how this game of theirs would play out, so long as they stayed together and his Baby didn't get hurt.

"Booth and I are going to try to have a baby," Brennan revealed as she took another sip of her coffee. It didn't make any sense to her to keep something like that hidden, and this was her Father, after all. If anyone would be happy for them, it would be him.

Now Max was surprised. He knew full well about his daughters long standing desire to _not_ have children. He had never agreed with that point of view, for obvious reasons, but he could respect her reasons. He himself was a large part of the reason for her long held views, and while he deeply regretted his part in that, he understood it. Now she was not only in a serious relationship, and with Booth it wouldn't be anything but serious considering how the younger man viewed relationships, but they were talking kids after less than a day!

"Really?" he asked in a rather ironic tone.

"I made a small wager on the outcome of the sparring match," Brennan grinned. "If he won he would see my personal file on him, and if I won, we would have a child together. Since he always keeps his word, and would never have a child unless he was in a serious relationship after all that happened with Parker, I would get something that I've wanted with him for quite some time."

"You were afraid before," Max observed, though he had to admire how she had boxed in Booth, but he was sure that Booth would never have accepted the wager unless he was sure that Tempe was ready for this and he wanted it too, relationship and all.

"I still am, to be honest," she admitted. "But Booth won't hurt me. I know that, and I can't say that about anyone else."

Max noticed that she was indirectly saying that she didn't necessarily trust him completely, and while it hurt, he couldn't blame her for it. He and his late wife had done what they thought was best, and in hindsight it had been a terrible mistake. At the very least arrangements should have been made to prevent her from being made a part of the system, but then hindsight was 20/20 after all.

"I know, Honey," he assured her, hoping that she knew that he understood and approved. He decided to get this back to a more up beat tone. "I like your lists, by the way. They'll give Booth some things to think about, and also some _interesting_ boundaries to live by."

She smiled. "I'm open to negotiation on some things, though I draw the line at his beer hat and cigars," she admitted. While she was serious about some things, she was also hoping that the lists would bring about some fun back and forth banter between her and Booth. She loved their back and forth discussions very much. She enjoyed seeing him flustered when she delivered a telling point.

"Depriving a man of his beer hat and cigars?" Max asked, feigning horror. "I see you're a real hard ass yourself, Honey."

"I've got to have some standards," she retorted with good humor.

Max stood up after finishing the last of his coffee. "Give him Hell, Honey," he said as he kissed her forehead. "I'm just going to go in and say hi to Booth for a minute."

"I'll clean up in here," Brennan said as she laughed inside at the thought of her Father's coming 'talk' with Booth. She generally hated the stereotypical Father routine, but in this case she felt strangely comforted by it. She smiled as she thought of the next list she was going to be giving him later that day. It was the rules for her office at the Jeffersonian.

Booth was quietly watching the ballgame when the door opened and in walked Max. He sighed, knowing that sometime during that afternoon Max would pay him a visit. This was beyond humiliating.

"That'll teach you to turn your back on my Little Girl," Max said with his usual smile on his face.

Booth sighed again. "Are you here to watch me wallow in my personal misery?" he asked.

"That's just the floor show, Booth," Max said as he sat down on the edge of the bed so he could face the man eye to eye. "I understand that you and my Baby are going to make me a Grandfather."

"She told you already?" Booth asked, wanting to sink into the nearest hole and not come out.

"Do you really think that Temperance would keep something like that from me?" Max asked.

"No," Booth replied. Bones was gossip central with some people about the most personal of issues, even though in her mind she was simply stating facts. Angela was one of those people, and in a pinch he figured that Max figured in there somewhere.

"Look, Booth, I like you, and I think you're very good for my Girl," Max told him honestly. "You've also been more than fair with me and the rest of my family. That being said, though, she is still my Baby Girl. I haven't been there for her when she needed me, and I'll regret that the rest of my life. But that doesn't mean I can't look out for her now. I'll only say this once. You hurt her in any way and I'll make what I did to you when you arrested me seem like a love pat by comparison. Do we understand one another?"

"What is it with your family and bodily harm?" Booth asked aloud with a shudder. He vividly recalled Max nailing him in the balls with a closed fist and most definitely did not want to find out what was worse than that.

"It's called self-preservation, Booth," Max chuckled.

"Yeah, we understand each other, Max," Booth told the older man seriously.

"So, I also understand that she's putting you on a short leash with these lists," Max got back to having fun with his wide grin back in place.

"Maybe you can explain to me what she has against a beer hat," Booth replied. "I gotta say that most of the stuff is common sense, thank God, but I love my beer hat!"

"Buck up, Son," Max said with evident cheer as he stood to leave. "The things we hold dear get the ax, but I can guarantee you that the rewards are much better than simple beer hats. I had to give up my dragster with the flaming racing stripes when it came to her Mother."

"Women just don't understand," Booth said morosely.

"But you can't live without 'em," Max replied honestly.

"Ain't that the truth," Booth agreed. _At least when it came to Bones,_ he told himself.

"Have Parker give me a call, Booth, and I'll work up some time at the Jeffersonian with him for some more science lessons," Max told the younger man as he walked out the door.

Booth settled back some more and thought that as far as Fatherly warnings were concerned, that wasn't too bad. His ass started to twinge where he'd been stabbed. Time for another pain killer.

"Bones!" he called out loudly. He thought about getting a bell to ring, but he squelched that idea rather quickly. He didn't want his other ass cheek skewered, after all.

_A/N: I hope the wait was worth it. I wanted some interaction one on one between Bones and Max and also Booth and Max, so this wasn't a really quick paced chapter. The next chapter will be a new list and I should have it in a couple of days. Thanks for all the continuing reviews and great support. Gregg._


	15. Chapter 15

_Before writing up the final chapter of He's Special, I decided to write up and post one more list for The List. As always, I've been deeply appreciative of the fabulous response that this, and all my stories, have received and would like to extend my thanks to everyone who's been following my stories. This list is for when they are in her office. Once again, I wanted to add some fun in the list and give Booth a bot of a shock at the daring that is a part of Bones' personality. Hope you all enjoy this one. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

"So how's Booth, Sweetie?" Angela asked Bren as they had a cup of coffee in Bren's office.

Bren took a sip of the steaming liquid and sat back. She'd come in for a few minutes to gather some paperwork that she and Booth could work on together that evening and had found Angela there, so she offered a cup of coffee.

"Not happy," Bren admitted with a brief chuckle.

"I don't doubt it," Angela laughed. "Unless it's a compliment, or a woman's hand for a caress, guys don't want anything coming near their asses. You not only got near his ass, you stabbed it with a sword!"

"Foil," Bren corrected, though she smiled at Angela's somewhat innuendo laden description of how guys viewed their asses. "The inflated donut burst, so he's sitting on a fluffy pillow in my bed watching television."

"You don't have a television in you bedroom," Angela remarked, a bit shocked. Not only about Booth being in her bed, but also about the TV part.

"Booth and Parker joined forces and used their charm smiles to convince me to buy a television for the bedroom," Bren admitted. "I took Parker with me and he suggested a 54" plasma screen wall mounted television, so I bought it along with a DVD player and some DVDs."

"That smile is way too influential," Angela said with a sigh. She'd seen Booth's special smile on occasion and for the life of her had never understood how Bren had avoided ripping off his clothes and hitting the sheets for so long. Now that her friend finally had Booth, the man was down for a while yet until his stab wound healed.

"Yes, it is," Bren agreed with a smile. There was no way, even though it frustrated her at times, that she would wish to not have his charm smile, or any of his other expressive smiles, shining her way to make her feel better about any situation. Did that count as being terribly dependent? She'd have to give that one some thought before coming to any conclusions on it. She also knew that Booth would just tell her she was thinking too much.

"So how are the lists coming along?" Angela changed the subject slightly. Bren had told her the day before of her plans and she'd been waiting to hear what had been happening.

"He should be reading the fourth one about now," Bren smiled widely. "It contains the list of rules for when we're in my office."

Angela's eyes widened. "_Your office???_ Now that's going to make him run and hide!" she chortled.

"I have a feeling he'll like this list, just like he enjoyed the one for the SUV," Bren said as she handed over the two lists in question. "Have a look," she told her best female friend.

Angela rapidly read both lists, her eyes widening even further. "Oh. My. GOD!" she said as she gave Bren a wicked smile. "You are so EVIL, Sweetie!"

"Thank you," Bren said as she offered a sly smile. She could just imagine Booth's expression as he read the new list. Maybe she should invest in hidden spy cameras for her bedroom? No. Booth probably wouldn't like the idea of being filmed in what were sure to be some rather _intimate_ moments once his ass was healed. She'd just let her imagination create the images.

As this was going on, just as Bones had predicted, Booth was reading the new list which covered her office. He closed his eyes and silently, but strongly, willed away a stroke of major proportions. He looked up at the ceiling. "Did I do something to upset you?" he asked. "I go to mass every week and also confession three times a week. What more do you need? I finally get the most stubborn woman in the universe to settle down and accept the idea of motherhood and long term commitment here. And what do I get? An ass cheek that's hamburger and unable to begin on the more sacred aspects of this relationship. I thought good deeds were supposed to be rewarded? A little help would be nice, or your old pal Seeley Booth will be reduced to begging down here." Knowing he wouldn't get an answer anytime soon, he looked back down at the list and sighed. Bones was sure dropping some hints alright.

_Hi Booth,_

_By now you should be learning to expect these lists. I hope you enjoyed the one for the SUV. I can tell you that I'm _**very**_ eager to test out those shocks and the new air mattress that you'll be purchasing soon. For now, though, here's some expectations for when we're in my office. The list for your office will be next, by the way. See you soon. Love, Bones._

_#1: As at the crime scene, Bones is always right. No exceptions, and no debate on that truism._

_#2: I expect to make good use of the couch in my office when we have spare moments. Fondling, necking, and _**anything**_ else we can think of is allowed._

_#3: After the lab closes on those nights that we are staying late, the door will be locked and the shades drawn so that clothing is optional. I like to have something impressive to look at when I work late. You're much more impressive that the bones from limbo or on the platform, especially when you're naked._

_#4: During fulfillment of #2, role playing is also encouraged. I have a fantasy of being Smurfette and you being Brawny Smurf and taking me bent over my desk, or over the back of the couch. That's _**Brawny** _Smurf, Booth, not _**Brainy** _Smurf. Somehow I don't think Brainy could give me nearly the pleasure that Brawny could taking me bent over like that. There's a two orgasm minimum just like in the SUV, with the same consequences, by the way. _

_#5: I've been noticing that we've been a little ripe after coming back from some of the crime scenes of late, so I think that we should make use of the shower in the private bathroom of my office after coming back from crime scenes, and to conserve water, I feel we should take our showers together. I think the appropriate phrase is "I'll wash your back if you wash mine"? Or is that backside? _:)

_#6: In thinking about the role playing mentioned in #4, I was imagining that another great fantasy would be for me to dress up in my Wonder Woman costume and I can get you a WWII Army Air Corps dress uniform so you can be Major Steve Trevor and teach me all the delicious pleasures of being with a man. We are definitely doing that one when we skip this years Halloween Party._

_#7: Here's the serious one, Booth. When we're going over materials about a case, or paperwork, we need to be on task. All of the above is for having fun, but we can't compromise our work. I know that you're fully aware of that, but it's nice to see it in writing so we are both on the same page, so to speak._

_There it is, Booth. I hope that this one keeps you interested. I'm looking forward to putting it into practice. Till then, "Major". Bones._

Booth wiped the sweat off of his brow. He seemed to be sensing a pattern behind her lists. She was getting racier and racier as they were being offered, and he was going to be her sacrificial lamb in this panoply of sexual pursuits. Of course he was all for it in ordinary circumstances, especially since she wanted what he'd always wanted, but the real rub right now was that he had to wait and endure this torture she was dishing out. He was certain she knew full well what she was doing in all of this, and the banter was going to be awesome, but he was sure that it would really begin in earnest when Sweets, that little shit, apologized to Bones and set poor little Seeley free from eternal condemnation over something that wasn't even his fault. He'd have to come up with a list of his own for his apartment to give Bones something to ponder. He'd show her he wasn't a wimpy little prude like he was sure that she figured he was. His pontificating during the horse play case didn't help matters, though he thought he probably scored a few points with the Big Guy upstairs when he explained the miracle of Making Love to Bones in the diner afterwards. Those sick fucks at the horse play resort still made his skin crawl whenever he thought of that case. Now as for Bones' role playing ideas? He was all for those, especially the one where she dressed up in the absolutely HOT Wonder Woman outfit. He wasn't too sure about the Smurf one, though. Something about pretending to be a 2 inch high blue creature didn't sit well in his stomach. In fact it made him downright nauseous. But who said Bones was your average role playing fantasy creator? Certainly not him. When all was said and done, though, he was looking forward to seeing what she would come up with in her next list.

"_Booth? I'm home!_" he heard her call out as the front door opened. She came into the bedroom with a smile. "Hi," she said warmly. "Like your list?" she asked with a smile.

"A SMURF???" he asked, which was the first thing that came to mind.

She smiled even wider. "I like the idea of you in white stretch pants and blue body paint Booth," she said with a wicked gleam in her eyes. She winked at him.

"I am so whipped," he said with a sigh and a shudder at the image she'd just created.

"And don't you forget it," she whispered as she leaned in for a kiss, capturing his mouth and tasting him once again, reveling in the fact that he was finally hers.

_A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this new list. I am considering changing the rating to M for the future chapters, but haven't decided yet. I'd appreciate any input on that as I'm pretty flexible on what the ratings encompass as far as the line between T and M is concerned. I will be posting the final chapter of He's Special next, probably some time tomorrow. Till then. Gregg._


	16. Chapter 16

_Here's one more chapter for the List before I work on a new chapter for Facing Fear. This one takes place the day after the last one. I hope that everyone enjoys this one. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth was laying in bed, propped up, though it had been a painful chore to do so on his own, looking down on Bones as she slept next to him. He was still in shock that that was now a reality, but he was certainly not going to complain. The only thing he had to worry about now, at least while his ass was healing, was her wandering hands. Women were always going on about the wandering hands of men, but there was no one like Bones when it came to wandering hands. Even in her sleep, her hands seemed to have a radar lock on his ass, and he was constantly waking up to her hands on his damaged derrière. Of course, she was an equal opportunity groper, and he'd had a great time during a late night lab assignment from Bones to learn the specific contours of her body, not by sight, though that had been pretty awesome, but by touch. He was definitely going to confession the second his ass felt up to sitting in the confessional. He had a feeling that he was in for some serious penance, but it was _so_ worth it. The best part of this morning, though, was going to be the fact that he'd beaten Bones to the punch. He had a list of his own for her, and it regarded his office. He wondered how she would take an opposite type of list from hers. He was going for all professional, and she was going for an all day sex fest, though he had some humor in his. Hopefully said humor wouldn't backfire like his original list did.

"Bones?" he whispered as he reached down and played with her hair. It was early, and Bones had said after "Lab Time" that she wanted to sleep in. Well the Hell with that idea. He was too anxious to give her the list and see what she thought of it. "Bonesy, wakey, wakey," he teased.

Bones grinned, unbeknownst to Booth, and grabbed his damaged ass cheek. Damaged or not, it was still perfect in her opinion and just begging to be fondled and groped. "Bonesy???" she asked with an arch tone.

Booth gasped in a bit of pain. "New nickname?" he asked through gritted teeth.

Bones squeezed a bit tighter before letting go, amused at his sigh of relief. "I don't think so," she warned him as she sat up and kissed him. She was also amused that he was perched on the undamaged cheek, with some space between the gel pillow and his damaged one. That was how she got in her morning love pat. Not that he'd label it as such.

"Bones it is," Booth relented instantly.

"Now why are you waking me up this early?" she asked as she noticed the clock.

"More Lab Time?" he wheedled with his charm smile in place.

Bones laughed. "As wonderful as that sounds, I don't think so," she told him. "Call it punishment for that 'Bonesy' wake up."

"Aw, c'mon Bones!" Booth whined playfully. "I gotta have some kind of reward. I was real good yesterday when Max came in and gave me 'The Talk'."

"You did rather well," Bones admitted, and she meant it. She'd been a bit concerned about what her Father would say to Booth, but when he came out smiling and then she went in and saw Booth alive and in good spirits, she'd been relieved. "But last night was your reward. Today, we have paperwork to get to."

"But Bones!" he protested. "I'm on sick leave! I don't want to do paperwork!"

"But it needs done, sick leave or no sick leave," she informed him as she got out of the bed, placing a kiss on his pouting lips. "Now I'm going to get a shower and then we'll go into the living room. If you behave, when we get the paperwork done, we can have some more lab time while we watch a movie."

"Screw the shower, we can start the paperwork right now," he told her as he held up a sheet of paper with some hand written items on it. "Here's a new list for you, Bones. It's for when you visit me in my office."

She arched her brow and took the list. "I'll read this while I'm in the bathroom," she told him. She walked away from him with an obvious sway to her hips, which were clad only in a rather skimpy g-string. The virtually non-existent camisole top completed what she had worn to bed the night before. Teasing Booth was fun, she had decided the day before.

"I've gotta get healed up soon," Booth lamented as he watched her walk away.

Bones got out of the shower and dried off quickly, and then pulled on a pair of old sweats she liked to wear on her lazy days where she usually focused on her novel or on some professional reading of new issues of the various journals she subscribed to. Perching herself on the counter, smiling as she recalled her mention of not 'testing the counter strength', she read Booth's list for his office.

_Hey, Bones! I figured with all these lists that have been flying in from you, I should do another one and stake out some territory for myself. So. Here's one regarding my office when you come to bask in my AUGUST presence. Enjoy! Love, Booth._

_#1: Booth's office is his KINGDOM. Therefore in said KINGDOM, Booth is always right, even when he's wrong._

_#2: I know it's going to be tough, but you must keep your hands off of this magnificent example of the male specimen._

_#3: There will be no Smurf sex, or any sexual role playing in the KINGDOM. I very much like being an FBI agent, and really don't want to wind up unemployed because I was caught dressed up as a Smurf and schtupping my girlfriend from behind over the desk. Or the couch for that matter._

_#4: No humiliating revelations about the KING to Sweets while we are in the KINGDOM._

_#5: Clothes are to be kept on at all times, regardless of any raging desires for a view of this magnificent body that you've previously alluded to in prior lists. Again, I want to keep my job, not get fired and charged with indecent exposure._

_#6: No discussion of 'female problems' or any other sexual topic. There's a time and a place for that, Bones, and the KINGDOM isn't then or it._

_#7: No disparaging comments about any sports paraphernalia that are housed in the KINGDOM, and most definitely no disparaging comments about the Pittsburgh Steelers._

_#8: Addendum to #3. No wearing the incredibly HOT Wonder Woman costume in the KINGDOM. I can't be held responsible for my actions when you wear said costume, and I really, really want to keep my job._

_#9: No talking dirty in the KINGDOM. Booth getting aroused in the KINGDOM is not a good thing._

_#10: No sending dirty e-mails to Booth while you know he is in the KINGDOM._

_#11: Reminder. Booth's office is his KINGDOM. Long live the KING._

Bones wanted to laugh out loud at the list. He was certainly in fine form this morning. It also gave her a chance to give him her list for his office later on, say after lunch, and then they could bargain. That promised to be a great deal of fun. She left the bathroom and went back into the bedroom, knowing just what she was going to say.

"In was getting worried for a minute, Bones," Booth looked over at her, slightly disappointed that she was dressed in such a _covered_ fashion.

"I was just reading your fascinating list, Your Majesty," she told him with an evil glint in her eyes.

"Uh oh," Booth said as he saw that look.

"So I guess my fantasy of wearing my Wonder Woman costume and performing oral sex on you while I'm hiding under your desk is out?" she asked.

Booth groaned at that image. "This is so unfair!" he pouted.

"Remember who you're dealing with, Booth," she told him. "Because if you're the KING, then I'm the QUEEN, and we both know who _**really**_ has the power, don't we?"

"Long live the Queen," Booth muttered as she began to help him off of the bed.

"Exactly," Bones said with a chuckle as they left the bedroom.

_A/N: There it is, a new chapter for The List. I hope everyone enjoyed this one, and I made it in such a way that we'll see competing lists for control of his office. Either the next chapter, or the one after that will deal with her list and the negotiations that were alluded to in this chapter. Let me know what you think. Gregg._


	17. Chapter 17

_Here's another short chapter to this ever lengthening story. I wanted to add something more from Max, and decided that it would be interesting to have Booth receive it while in the middle of something with Bones. Hope you all enjoy this one. Thank you once again for all the great reviews, and I'm glad you enjoyed Booth's latest list to Bones. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth sighed for what must have been the thousandth time in the last three hours. Bones hadn't been kidding about wanting to get cracking on the paperwork. They'd been hard at it since right after a rather skimpy breakfast of toast and coffee, with a few slices of fresh fruit. He sure hoped that she was going to make up for that one with a hearty lunch. Perhaps he could persuade her to order in from Wong Fu's, or something. Thai was always a good choice.

"Booth!" Bones said from his side with a slight shove with her elbow. "Stay focused. We're almost half done, and I'd like to get this completed today."

"And as I've said hundreds of times already this morning, I'm on sick leave, Bones, and it's the weekend," he whined. He knew he was not putting up a very manly front, but he was bored and his ass was beginning to hurt again.

"That doesn't matter," she said from her position at his side. She was bored, too, but she did enjoy doing all this with him sitting next to her on the couch. She would consider the rather clingy implications of it all at some other point, deciding for now to just enjoy the feelings she had.

"My ass hurts," he told her. "Can I have another pain killer?"

Bones looked at her watch to verify that enough time had elapsed between doses, and nodded. "I'll get it for you," she told him as she stood up, surprised at how stiff she'd gotten just sitting there. Perhaps it was time for a short break. "We can take a break for a while. I'll order us in some lunch."

"Wong Fu's?" he asked with a smile.

"Sure," she told him, adding her own smile. She left the room to take care of everything.

Before he had a chance to shut down his laptop, it pinged, letting him know he had a new e-mail. Clicking onto the icon, he found that it wasn't from work, or Parker, but from Max! Crap! What did he want now? His eyes shot up when he saw the header. "Punishment List." Offering a prayer, he opened the e-mail, and read a rather astonishing list from good old Max.

_Booth. I just wanted to back up what we discussed yesterday by adding a list of my own. Here is a list of punishments if you so dare as make my baby cry. Hope you take heed, Booth, because I'd really hate to come after someone I actually like a great deal. Max._

_#1: Wandering Eyes: Punishment is a good dose of mace when you least expect anything. We'll let those eyes of yours protest the next time you think of looking at something you shouldn't be._

_#2: Violating rule #1 at crime scene and her office: You will be dressed up in leather and a dog collar and dropped off at the nearest hardcore S&M Gay Bar. Remember Booth, My Girls is ALWAYS right._

_#3: Wandering Hands: Think of the applicable punishment found in the Koran for stealing. Get the picture?_

_#4: Wandering body: Think EUNUCH and you'll have an idea of what will happen._

_#5: Flirting with other women: Think of the punishment found in the Koran for lying. It's really no fun being a mute._

_#6: Leaving my Daughter: Remember what they did to witches and heretics? That'll be you if you do this particular transgression._

_Well there it is, Booth. Pretty complete, except that for anything else that isn't included in this short list, I'll just beat the crap out of you. Remember that that shot in the balls will be a love pat by comparison of I have to come after you. Have a great day, Son. Max._

_PS- Remember to have Parker get a hold of me and we'll set up some more science lessons. He's a great kid, Booth._

Booth was a bit on the pale side when Bones came back. That list was downright freaky and he was scared shitless. Bones was having some fun with him, and he knew that, even though he was going to have to do some serious negotiation with her, he was certain. With Max, though, it was dealing with a protective and concerned Father. That was an entirely different situation. Max could be just shining him on, which was possible, to see him squirm, or he could be serious, which if he was, Booth was making a vow right then to make sure he was the most wonderful boyfriend in the history of relationships.

"Are you alright, Booth?" Bones asked as she came in and saw him looking a bit pale and listless.

Booth jerked his attention back to Bones. "Huh?" he asked.

"Are you okay? You look a bit pale," she remarked.

"Oh, I just got an e-mail from Max," he said as he shuddered slightly.

"Really?" she asked, surprised. "Can I see it?"

Booth paused a moment. If he said no, then he was slime for denying her something, and if he said yes, he could be putting his balls on the chopping block for letting her see something that Max may very well not want her to see. Finally he did the only thing that he could. He turned his laptop to her.

Bones read the list quickly. She was initially upset at her Father for doing something like this, but quickly caught onto the humor of it as she recognized that this was her Father's way of being part of the humor of the lists. She decided to stoke the fires, so to speak.

"I see he sent the list he and I discussed yesterday," she remarked, not telling Booth that that was pure fabrication on her part.

"You knew about this?" he managed to squeak. Oh God, he was definitely going to be following the rules to the letter if she was speaking to Max like that.

"Of course," she told him. "You don't think I'd commit to such a serious relationship without some form of assurance, do you?"

Booth gulped. "I guess not," he said in a half way normal tone.

"Considering how much you respect various religious cultures, I suggested # 3 and 5 on the list," she told him, enjoying the even paler look on his face. "I thought it was a nice touch."

"Cutting off my hand and tongue is a nice touch, Bones?" he asked incredulously.

"It would teach you a lesson," she pointed out. "So, what do you think?"

Booth did the only thing he could in that circumstance. "Long live the Queen?" he offered, still a bit pale.

Bones burst out laughing. "I got you so good, Booth," she crowed. She didn't understand why, but she was enjoying being this playful and carefree. At no other time when involved with someone, no matter how fleeting, was she like that, or even cared to be. With Booth it was different. With him, she could let go of her steel willed control and trust in something other than herself. These lists were a good way to see how far she could push the envelope and have some fun, yet make it serious if it wasn't working.

Booth's jaw fell a few centimeters. "Just wait until I'm well and we have on the Wonder Woman and Major Trevor costumes, Bones," he told her. He leaned forward. "Not only will I be teaching Wonder Woman how great it is to be with a man, I'll also show her how to be a _real_ tease. That two orgasm minimum stuff will be kids stuff when I'm done with you." He wiggled his eyebrows at her in amusement. He made a note to thank Max for the list he'd sent. It was one more great thing to work off of in teasing and playing with Bones.

Bones leaned in and whispered huskily, "And just wait until Wonder Woman gets to have her way with Major Trevor," she told him. "She'll wear him out so much that he won't be able to think straight for a week," she let him know.

"Long Live the QUEEN!" Booth said with much more enthusiasm this time as he kissed her.

"And the Queen has another list for you after we have lunch," she told him as she continued laughing.

"Damn," Booth muttered as he snuck another kiss. He figured that it would be best to give her as much affection as possible, just on the off chance that Max was serious. Now he had another list to look forward to. He hoped it was another _interesting_ one like when she gave him on for her office.

_A/N: There it is. A short one, I know, but I wanted only to put it out there. Rest assured that Max will have some more time in this story, and so will Parker. I hope you all enjoyed this, despite the list being a bit dark. I did that on purpose to allow for the humorous scene between Booth and Bones. I'm also trying to bring out a playful side of Bones that she didn't even realize she had, and that she is beginning to appreciate. Let me know what you think. Gregg._


	18. Chapter 18

_Here's a new chapter for this ongoing story. I wanted to lighten the mood even further, and have Booth come up with a list again before Bones could give him another one, though she prepares on for him, too.. Now they each have a list to deal with. I hope everyone enjoys this one. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth relaxed some more after lunch and some more paperwork had been completed. He had taken some time to work on another list for Bones, and this one had to do with his apartment. These lists were becoming fun in his opinion, though he had to admit that Max's kind of freaked him out a bit. Right at this moment Bones was out running an errand while he sat and stewed. Granted he had the TV to play with, and he was now watching the Steelers History DVD that she had bought for him. It had just got to the part about how Bradshaw was making a real difference on the team in the early seventies when the door knocked. Crap! He flicked off the DVD and hollered out.

"It's open!"

"Hey, Booth!" Angela said with a bright smile. "How's the King doing?"

Booth groaned. "She told you???" he said in a slightly whiny voice.

"Sweetie, she tells me _everything_!" Angela said with a wicked wink. "Including how great your ass is to fondle!"

"_WHAT_?!"

Angela decided to have some fun with Booth's sensibilities. "Of course she does," she informed him. "She even likes to share, Stud Muffin."

Booth's jaw about hit the floor. For some odd reason, he'd never had a good read on Angela and was not sure now whether she was serious or not. "Share?" he asked with a gulp.

"Of course," she continued. "Maybe not a full on threesome, but there's nothing that says I can't have a good grope of that seriously HOT FBI butt of yours."

"There will be absolutely NO gropes of the King's ass," Booth shot out quickly.

"King, huh?" Angela teased. "Or could that be Queen's Consort?"

"There hasn't been any _consorting_ yet, so no," Booth told her, not really knowing why he was even having this insane conversation.

Angela decided that she'd had enough fun tormenting Booth. "She really is enjoying these lists, you know," she informed him.

"Really?" he asked, suddenly curious. "I thought she was doing them to get some revenge over last year."

"Maybe some of it, Sweetie, but that's only a small part," Angela stated. "She doesn't let herself be playful, Booth, but now that she's discovered how much you really mean to her, she's acting on impulse, and enjoying it. She really got a kick out of the list for your office." She watched as Booth blushed, and knew that he was thinking about Bren's comments about the whole under the desk blowjob while dressed as Wonder Woman comment. Booth was nothing if not predictable in his reaction to sexual references, especially when it came to Brennan.

"I'm definitely going to have a talk with Bones about 'loose lips sinking ships' and all that," Booth remarked with a frown.

"Sinking ships as in killing a relationship?" Angela asked hurriedly, and slightly alarmed.

"Of course not!" Booth reassured her instantly. "I didn't wait all this time for her to be ready only to end it because Bones was being Bones!"

"Good," Angela replied.

"So is there any reason you stopped by other than to torment me?" Booth asked.

"Bren asked me to come over and see if you were alright or if you needed anything," Angela told him.

"I'm not a child, Angela," he pointed out.

"I know that, you know that, and Bren knows that, but she really got scared when she stabbed you," Angela remarked. She recalled the look on Bren's face as her foil had stabbed into Booth's ass and it was very similar to the one Bren had had the year before when Booth had been shot. It was understandable that Bren was being very protective of him at the moment. "Just humor her for now and she'll calm down."

"And if she doesn't?" he asked.

Angela got a really wicked grin on her face. "Then I would suggest you strip down and wait for her in your birthday suit on her bed one evening," she suggested. "I'm sure that she would take full advantage of that, and forget all about any imagined infirmities you may or may not have. And if she doesn't take you up on such an offer, give me a call. I'd definitely make good use of that awesome body of yours," she teased him with a wink.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were a nymphomaniac," he told her good naturedly.

Angela smiled. "Who says I'm not?" she asked. "Just ask Hodgins. I'm sure he'd tell you of all the quickies and mid day rendezvous' we've had."

"I don't think so," Booth said instantly. He could visualize Angela, though he preferred imagining Bones, but Hodgins? No way! The idea of the slime and bug guy having sex was a bit sick in Booth's opinion. It bordered on the same level as considering Sweets getting some.

"So?" Angela questioned. "Any more lists for Bren?"

Booth debated for a moment about the wisdom of letting Angela see any list he dreamed up for Bones, but decided in the end that it really didn't matter. Bones would wind up showing her anyway, and this would allow him to have a sneak preview as to how Bones might react. "Yeah," he said and took out the hand written list, handing it to her. "I thought I'd get a good one for my apartment done up."

Angela grabbed it right away and read it quickly.

_Bones, _

_As a trend seems to be developing in these lists, and they appear to be location specific, here's a list for my apartment._

_#1: Booth's apartment is his castle. Remember: Office is Kingdom, Apartment is Castle. Long live the King._

_#2: Bones is always welcome in the Castle, especially if she's dressed (or is it undressed?) in her Birthday Suit._

_#3: No organic food allowed. I still think it's nuts to purchase a single tomato for $5. And my genitalia is just fine, thank you very much! No shrinkage here!_

_#4: As in the Kingdom, Booth is always right, even when he's wrong._

_#5: Gifts are always welcome and appreciated, such as a 54" wall mounted Plasma screen TV. (Hint, Hint.)_

_#6: No Squint talk unless we are working on a case in the living room, or at the table. Absolutely no Squint Talk in the bedroom. Sex and Squint Talk don't mix._

_#7: Closet space will be divided evenly, as will dresser drawer space. No 70/30 or 80/20 stuff in the Castle. I need some space, too._

_#8: No feminine hygiene products are to be left out in the open in the bathroom, and only limited counter space for anyone's grooming necessities. There are drawers and a medicine cabinet available, after all._

_#9: As a concession, the King will make sure that the toilet seat is left down when exiting the bathroom. See? I'm not such a Neanderthal after all._

_#10: In terms of role playing, the Wonder Woman fantasy is definitely encouraged, but a Lady Godiva routine is absolutely forbidden. The King will not be a horse for Lady Godiva. Remember. No Horse Play bullshit for the King._

_There it is, Bones. I think that about covers it, though we may have to revisit the list at times. The Castle is always in flux, after all. Long Live The King! Booth._

Angela chuckled. "Pretty good, Booth. Not as funny as Bren's are, or as sexy, but you have your moments," she told him. "And why not Lady Godiva? You'd make an excellent horse to ride, Booth."

"I'm not even going to comment on that statement, Angela," he said with no hesitation. He shuddered as he recalled that one case where the horse role playing stuff was going on. That was just plain sick!

"I think she'll have a few revisions in mind for this list of yours," Angela told him. She was amused at how these to were conducting a relationship negotiation, even if most of it was simply a new way to banter and take the edge off of their otherwise very busy lives.

Booth smiled and leaned back, careful not to put too much pressure on his wounded ass. "That's what I'm counting on," he told her.

Two hours later Bones returned and found Booth asleep, apparently having taken some more pain meds, if the bottle of pills by the bed was any indication. In a few days the soreness should be mostly gone, thankfully. She had some definite plans in store for her Booth. She noticed the sheet of paper on the bedside table and smiled. Angela had mentioned that he had another list for her, and she was dying to read it. She was having a great deal of fun with this whole new routine between them, and hoped that it would lead to some serious enjoyment in the times ahead. Picking it up, she took it to the living room and read it quickly. A wide smile erupted as she read the whole thing, especially the part about wanting to do the Wonder Woman role playing. An idea for a new list came to mind, and she could have it ready for him for when he woke up. Opening her laptop, she proceeded to write it out.

_Booth,_

_I think that a rebuttal list is in order for the one you handed me for when we're in your office. This is what I perceive to be the necessities in that hallowed arena. Hope that this gives you the right idea and some good compromises between us._

_#1: As I am the Queen, an appropriate throne is needed behind the desk, so it is ordered by me that you contact supply and requisition a full partners desk like you find in a lawyers office and a chair for me that I will choose myself, suitable to my station as "The Queen"._

_#2: My idea of the correct fantasy, that I mentioned to you earlier, is one that we must act on once we have the large desk that I insist on. It's about time that you find out just how good I am with my mouth._

_#3: When I have an overcoat on, be warned that underneath all I will be wearing will be bra, panties, garter belt, stockings, and high heels. I think venetian blinds should be ordered for the office as I think you know what will be happening if I show up in an overcoat._

_#4: I skeleton like the one in my office will be in one corner of your office, replacing one of your sports memorabilia cases. I need to be able to have a reference piece when talking to you about skeletal evidence when we're in the office._

_#5: Booth is only right when Bones decides to concede. Decision to concede is hers, even if she's wrong and knows it._

_#6: The partners desk will be appropriately "christened" the first day that it is installed in the office. Christening will be multiple times, so be prepared for a long night at the office._

_#7: Booth is required to have on hand in the "Kingdom" a plentiful, and steady, supply of condoms, as frequent reminders of the importance of dealing with "biological imperatives" will be necessary. Condoms are only allowed to be used when we are in the "Kingdom" as clean up is much easier that way. Condoms are not allowed anywhere else, except maybe in the SUV._

_#8: No flirting with pretty women in the "Kingdom" or anywhere else for that matter. Remember the punishment that my Father will dish out if you find it difficult to fight the temptation. _

_I think that about covers it for the moment, Booth. I like my list much better than yours as it allows for some "fun" to be had at the Hoover Building. Love you. Bones._

Bones took the list once it was printed out and went into her bedroom, leaving it on the bedside table for him. She looked down on him and smiled. It was actually a very arousing thing to have Booth asleep in her bed. He was also having an erotic dream, if the erection tenting out from the sweat pants he was wearing was any indication. She sighed in frustration as she imagined all the wonderful things she could be doing with it if she hadn't stabbed his ass. A wicked grin lit up her face. She knew exactly how she wanted to be when he woke up. This was going to be fun!

_A/N: I'm terribly sorry for the long delay in this chapter, but the real world and some other matters took precedence for a while. I hope to be updating frequently again now that this chapter is up. I hope that you enjoyed this one, and I am already working on the next chapter where Booth reads her new list and finds out what she has in store for him when he wakes up. All the best, and thanks again for all the fabulous reviews! Gregg. _


	19. Chapter 19

_Here's another chapter to delve into. In this one, we see some more of the playful side to Bones as she increasingly enjoys her new relationship with Booth. I hope that everyone enjoys this one as much as I did writing it. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. _

Booth slowly woke up, mentally cursing the pain meds that he'd been prescribed as they were making him very drowsy and he was constantly falling asleep. He hated not being in total mental control, and this was pushing even his own personal tolerances. Looking over at the bedside table to see if there was anymore water, he saw a piece of paper, and not the one he had left there for Bones. Shaking his head to clear the mental fog, he reached over and brought it to him. He quickly read it. He groaned audibly.

"Booth?" called out Bones' voice from the other end of the apartment.

"Yeah?" he replied.

"Did you see the list?" she called back.

"Oh yeah," he told her. Then his breath caught as she appeared in the door. Bones was there wearing a trench coat. A certain piece of his anatomy reacted immediately as he recalled her list for his office.

"You like?" Bones asked with a smile as she saw the visible reaction of his body rising up under the blanket as he was partially on his back with a cushion under him.

Booth wanted to scream. His ass was still sore, and was not in the proper condition for the kind of fun that Seeley Jr. was interested in. "You look great, Bones," he said in a hopefully steady voice.

"Then how about this?" she asked as she undid the belt on the trench coat and let it slide off of her shoulders.

"WOW!" Booth said as his eyes bulged at the sight. There before him was Bones in what had to be the skimpiest bra and panty set he'd ever seen, showing off her incredible body. And to top it off, she was wearing garters and stockings!

"I see you approve," she said with that giggle that was becoming so prevalent.

"Well, I am a guy, Bones," Booth told her as if the tenting erection hadn't made that one very obvious.

"And a very impressive one," she admired, her gaze on the covered piece of his anatomy.

Booth blushed slightly, and smirked. "So what's on the agenda for this afternoon?" he asked.

Bones smiled as she walked over to the bed, a light briefcase dangling from one hand. "I went by your office and spoke with Cullen, and he sent over some paperwork, so I figured we could work on it the rest of the day while we sit in here and watch some movies," she offered as she got on the bed next to him, on top of the sheet rather than under it. She shuffled closer to him.

Booth mentally cursed, and then prayed for a speedier recovery. This was torture, seeing her like this. "Okay," he managed to mutter. Damn Cullen!

"Then let's get started," she said as she turned partially towards him and pulled the briefcase over.

While all this was going on, little Parker Booth was hard at work on something. He was enjoying the first day of summer vacation, and Dr. Bones had called him during lunch with a suggestion. She was trading lists of things back and forth with his Dad, and suggested that he make a list of his own. He was still unsure how his Dad got hurt, and why his Dad needed to stay with Dr. Bones while he recovered. Surely Dr. Bones would have prevented any injuries when they were at the FBI gym. She was the best! She'd let him be her assistant the other day!

That's when it hit him. He knew what his list was going to be. He got out some paper and a pencil.

_Dad. Dr. Bones said that she made you lists. She said I should make up a list for you. She said it would make you feel better. She also told me how to write it._

_#1 A chemistry set._

_#2 A skeleton like in Dr. Bones office._

_#3 A lab coat._

_#4 An ant farm._

_#5 Lab goggles._

_#6 A new X-box._

_I think that is what I want. I love you. Parker._

When he had it written, he picked up the cell phone that his Mom had given him to have to call his Dad or if there was an emergency. Within a few minutes, Dr. Bones had given his Mom her fax number at her apartment and it was sent. This was fun!

Booth was hard at work, trying desperately not to look over at the scantily, and unbelievably HOT, clad Bones. Seeley Jr. was still making his presence, and wishes, known, but Seeley, Sr. was doing his best to put Jr. in his place. Now was not the time. A beeping from the fax machine in the living room broke into his impure thoughts.

"Who the HELL would be faxing you today?" he asked, irked as she gave him quite the show from behind as she walked from the room without putting any kind of robe or other covering on. Naturally she didn't answer. Just as naturally he could care less as he'd already admitted to being seriously whipped when it came to her.

"You've got a fax from Parker," Bones told him with a warm smile. She'd read the list and was very touched, as well as amused at what was going to be Booth's likely reaction when he read it.

"Really?" Booth perked up, not bothering to ask how in the HELL Parker knew how to fax a message to him here, and also why his son didn't just call him on the cell phone. He mentally, and sternly, gave Seeley Jr. his marching orders to cease and desist. It was wrong on all levels to even be reading anything from Parker with a hard on, despite Bones being right here attired in THAT outfit. When his anatomy had calmed down, he took the fax and read it. His eyes popped out of his skull when he read it all.

"Uh, Bones?" he questioned, trying to think of how to say what was on his mind without pissing her off. She had lots of knives and such around.

"Yes, Booth?" she responded with a slight purr, deciding to tease him a bit.

"I have to draw a line in the sand somewhere, Bones, and my son turning into a Squint is it," he said calmly. Granted he was proud that Parker liked some of the aspects of his work, and that Bones was such a great influence on Parker, just like all the Squints were, but come on! What about football? Basketball? Baseball?

"So you're saying that being interested in science, and learning is a bad thing?" she questioned, inwardly smiling. She loved this kind of banter with him.

"Now you know I didn't say that, Bones," he told her, knowing that she was trying to make him think outside the normal Alpha Male box he presented all too often.

"Then it must be that you're concerned about him being around me and the rest of the Squint Squad," she countered.

"NO!" he shot out instantly. There was no way he would risk his manhood by letting such an absurd statement linger for more than a nanosecond. Eunuch status would be a blessing compared to what she'd do to him if he let that implication go unchallenged.

"Then I must assume you want him to be a jock first and foremost, chasing girls, and when he's older taking cheerleaders under the bleachers," she shot back. She almost didn't say that last, but couldn't resist. They'd patched things up and had a long talk after that case involving the angry father murdering the college basketball star.

"Absolutely NOT!" he shuddered. The idea of Parker making him a grandfather, or engaging in activities that would make that possible, even if it was years in the future, was something he'd rather not think about.

"Then what's your problem with his list?" she asked, running her finger along his strong bicep.

Booth gulped. He decided to be honest. "Because I don't get to spend a lot of time with him, and if he gets a lot of things like that, I might not be able to have anything in common with him anymore," he told her. It was pathetic, and deep down he knew it wouldn't happen, but conscious fears were powerful in a person's reactions to events and ideas.

Bones now understood, and while she could make any number of logical arguments as to why such a statement was ridiculous, she didn't. "That won't ever happen, Booth," she told him firmly, taking a solid grasp of his bicep and looking squarely in his eyes. "Parker is always excited when he's near you, and is always telling everyone about how wonderful you are when we look after him if you have something you have to do. Whether he's into science and other Squint activities, he'll always want to do things with you that you both can enjoy together." She slipped her hand down his arm and placed it in his hand, which he squeezed lightly.

"So," he said after a long moment internalizing what Bones had told him, and thanking her silently. He changed the subject back to her list. "Large stock of condoms in my office?" he questioned.

"Not too many," she told him. "I figure 72 a month should do," she informed him with a twinkle in her eyes.

"A _MONTH_???" he squeaked, while Jr. stirred to life, liking that idea.

"I think that's a rather conservative number for enjoying the furniture in your office each month," she said as she reached down and patted a rapidly rising Seeley Jr.

"My priest is going to have a stroke," he moaned as he surrendered himself to whatever the hell she wanted. She was the _**QUEEN**_ after all. He wondered if he should also see about a prescription for Viagra. Jr., he had a feeling, was not going to have nearly enough pep to survive such a sexual regimen, and that was just his office!

Bones just continued her surface exploration of Jr. with her hand on top of the sheet. "That'll just mean we're doing it right," she teased, and leaned up for a kiss, which she was pleased to note he was happy to give her. As she deepened the kiss, she began thinking of more lists she could be writing in the very near future.

_A/N: I combined the two chapters I'd written into this one, so there's only one posting today. Sorry about that, but having the chapter like this worked better for what I have in mind. I hope everyone liked it. Let me know, and thanks again for all the incredibly supportive reviews on this story. All the best, Gregg._


	20. Chapter 20

_At long last here is another chapter for The List. I've been working hard on coming up with a variety of new approaches to the lists in this story to keep it going, and I think that I have some good ones that will do for now. This one is where Booth is getting increasingly frustrated with his condition and how it is seriously interfering with his newly defined relationship with Bones. I hope you all enjoy this one. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth couldn't believe this. He was still out of commission, and the day before had been even more frustrating than ever. Bones had spent most of her free time with her hands all over him, but mainly downstairs where Seeley Jr. was over-excited from the word go. He'd been properly covered with the sheet, but that didn't stop Bones, who he now considered the human female sex machine come to life, from spending time learning his body by feel. The worst, and all at the same time the best, was when she uncovered Jr. and proceeded to give him a handjob that outclassed any he'd ever received in his whole life. Unfortunately when his body tensed almost constantly his ass hurt like Hell! Bones was at work right now and he decided that it was time for another list. Bones had not wanted to go in, but evidently a case had come up that needed her expertise. Pulling over the laptop, he booted it up and composed a two part list.

_Bones,_

_Now don't misunderstand me on this one. I really enjoyed the "special" attention that you gave me yesterday, despite the fact that my ass hurt like Hell the whole time. Unfortunately, I need to lay down some ground rules for the future. My perfect specimen of a male body needs some assurances that these kinds of injuries, and pain while healing, will not happen again. So you have two parts to this list. List one are the acceptable forms of ass kicking, and the absolute no-nos that come with that. The second list are acceptable dos and don'ts for when I am down and out for a spell. Remember my favorite Squint in the whole world. The King loves you and only you, so please take this list in the spirit it was intended, namely self preservation._

_List # 1: Acceptable and Unacceptable Forms of Ass Kicking_

_No pointed or bladed instruments of any type are to be used at all._

_No Demonstrations of proper technique at any time whatsoever._

_Sparring contests are to be hand to hand only._

_Chess is an acceptable alternative to combat._

_No card games at all. I am a recovering gambling addict, after all._

_Ass, testicles, and penis are all out of bounds in any ass kicking._

_Testing of knowledge of pop culture is acceptable for a contest._

_Sports trivia is acceptable._

_One form of combat that is always acceptable is a little private nude wrestling in bed. I think that a little I'll show you mine and you show me yours would be a perfect way to test each other's stamina. Being the perfect physical specimen that I am I would win, of course._

_No contests or anything of a sexual nature while yours truly is driving the SUV._

_The above list is by no means complete, but I think it is a good start to developing something that we can live with. I sure know my ass will be better off. (Don't think I haven't forgotten who actually stabbed me in the ass, Bones.)_

_List # 2: Appropriate methods of taking care of the wounded. I need to make sure that this list is out there as I have the feeling that your skills in taking care of the magnificent stud you stabbed have been a bit selfish and one sided, meaning I hurt Bones! I should be the one who is enjoying the recovery period, not the person who did the stabbing._

_No wandering hands. (You have hands like an octopus, Bones)._

_Hands off the wounded area. My ass may be a thing of beauty, and something you can't resist, but I have stitches along with deep bruising and your hands are a bit too "firm" in their exploring. _

_Remember that patience is a virtue, Bones. I know you go for passionate and uninhibited, but the wounded don't have what it takes for that level of "enthusiasm"._

_No handjobs. While nice, perfect actually, my ass hurt so bad I almost screamed my lungs out every time I tensed up._

_Wear conservative attire at all times. While Seeley Jr. may love the awesome lingerie, and your perfect body, the wounded stud can't do anything about said image that's being presented and hence is miserable._

_Conservative attire does not mean a Nun's Habit, or shear see through floor length night gowns. The idea is to prevent sexual arousal, not create it._

_Do nothing that will cause me to have to go to confession and be told I am a pervert by my Priest. I have enough Hail Mary's and Our Father's piled up as it is from all the impure thoughts over the years about you. I don't need, or desire, to be excommunicated on top of all that._

_There's the start of that list. As with the first one, it is incomplete and will need modification as we go along. I know I sound like an Alpha Male Neanderthal at the moment, but pain and suffering will do that to a guy, so I have to put my foot down. Read the lists and get back to me when you've processed it all. Remember, I love you more than life itself (I know that sounds ridiculous, but I'm buttering you up here, Bones) and am eager for the day soon that I can actually work on my end of the whole "exploratory" side of this relationship. Booth._

Booth smiled as he pressed send on the e-mail with the list he'd just written. He was finding these lists to be a great deal of fun, though he would have to work on some real risqué ones for Bones as she had shown a real liking for them if the ones she'd made for him were any indication. A sharp twinge in his ass cheek told him it was time for another dose of medication. Reaching over he noticed a second pill a few inches from the pain med. A note was beside it, and the pill was blue! He picked up the note and quickly read it.

_Booth,_

_I expect a lot more "upstanding" behavior in my men, and last night, while wonderfully enjoyable, didn't last nearly long enough. Here's a little help for your stamina. Love you. Bones._

No way! There was no way in Hell he would ever take Viagra! He looked down at his now flaccid member and frowned. "Junior!" he remonstrated. "No more of this rapid fire bullshit! I am not taking any Viagra to help your sorry ass performance. Suck it up and get it in gear. We've finally got the prize and now you're letting Team Booth down!" He felt pathetic giving his dick an ass chewing, but damn it! Viagra??? It was time to do some "exploring" of his own with Bones as the terrain to be explored. He'd show her who has no stamina!

_A/N: I know it's short, but it sets up the next chapter which is a scene between Bones and Angela, with Bones sharing Booth's latest list with Angela and then making a rebuttal list with Angela's help. I hope you all enjoyed this one. Gregg._

_A/N2: I am almost ready to post new chapters for the following stories: Bones' Booth File, Educational, and Booth's Lie. Sorry for the delays of late, but I've been a little under the weather and my house guests have also taken up some of my time. Gregg._


	21. Chapter 21

_Here is another one for The List. I have some more in mind, but with all that is going on, I will be posting on all my stories as often as I can, but make no promises on time frame. I hope the long wait for this new chapter was worth it. I hope you all enjoy this one. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Cam was having fun watching from the sidelines as Seeley and Dr. Brennan developed their long awaited relationship. As humorous as she found Seeley's fencing mishap at the hands of the horrified Dr. Brennan, she found the lists that had been traded back and forth even more entertaining. Angela, of course, had made sure that she saw as many of the lists as possible. Seeley Booth the King??? Granted the man was a walking stud that any sane woman would drool over, but proclaiming royalty was a bit of a stretch.

It was while she was contemplating one of Dr. Brennan's lists about the work place that Cam relived the nightmare that Hodgins and Angela had put her through when they had gotten out of hand at work. She didn't think that there was a single room, outside of perhaps her and Dr. Brennan's offices, that those two hadn't spent some time "christening" to some degree. She even had the security discs to prove some of what she suspected. Being a woman who believed in not showing too much of a winning hand, she'd held back a couple of the discs so she would have ammunition the next time those two went at it at work. As it was she was never going to look at the Egyptian Exhibit the same way.

It was time to write out her own list for Seeley and Dr. Brennan. She could also have a little bit of fun while she was at it, too. She spent the next ten minutes working it out on her laptop and then e-mailed it to both Seeley and Dr. Brennan. It was going to be interesting to see what kind of reaction that those two gave.

Seeley Booth was on the couch nursing a cold beer that Bones had graciously allowed him today as he was not being as much of a whining ass as he'd been. For someone who professed to not be good with kids, she sure knew how to play the Mother role well and dish out the discipline. It made him smile a bit as he thought of how well she would do with their own kids one day, as well as Parker. He was still in shock as he thought of the bet Bones made on the fencing match. Talk about going "all in"!

Now, though, he was worried about Bones and Angela working together on a list for him. He knew better than anyone alive just how wicked a sense of humor that Bones really had, but her teaming up with Angela? That made him want to bow down and kiss Bones feet, all the while begging her to keep all this to herself. He knew that was a losing proposition, though. Bones loved to gossip about sex more than Angela did, and that was a totally horrifying thought. A bee from his laptop told him he had an e-mail. He winced as he imagined it was another list from Bones, with Angela's help. When he saw that it was indeed a list he sighed, then he promptly spit out his mouthful of beer when he saw that it was from Cam! Oh shit!!!

_Seeley and Dr. Brennan,_

_Since everyone else seems to be making up and sending lists, I figured that I would join the party and offer my own list now that the two of you are at long last a couple. Here are a few essential rules that I expect to be followed at the Jeffersonian._

_First: Absolutely no talk about babies when in the lab. I'm not sure that the lab could stand the apocalyptic upheaval that would occur if that subject were to be discussed in relation to the two of you. Let's face it, Dr. Brennan, you usually don't choose the best times for dramatic announcements, nor the proper venue._

_Second: No kissing, groping, making out, or especially sex in the Jeffersonian. This is non-negotiable people as I had to suffer through that nightmare with Hodgins and Angela. The last thing I want is to walk into an office, or conference room, and see your naked ass, Seeley, perfect thought it may be, while you are having sex with you, Dr. Brennan. No amount of free passes will get anyone out of that._

_Third: No longing gazes at all while working in the lab. Making goo goo eyes at one another is something that I would need therapy to remove from my mind. Not to mention I dislike the idea of losing my lunch, which that would induce._

_Fourth: If you absolutely have to break any part of the second rule, please make damn sure that the security cameras are off. No one, especially me, needs a porno starring the two of you waiting for them on their desk with a post it note letting me know that this needs to be dealt with. I still have nightmares of seeing Hodgins and Angela going at it in the Egyptian Exhibit on the Cleopatra Bed._

_Fifth: This one is for Dr. Brennan. Angela mentioned that when you come in late and no case is pressing, it means you got lucky and are having an early morning round before coming to work. If you are going to do so, a 24 hour notice is required as I want to make sure that Angela is well away from the lab when you arrive as I don't want to hear one of her ear splitting squeals._

_And last, but not least: No role playing in the lab at all. I would be scarred for life seeing a Dr. Brennan/Wonder Woman getting laid by a Seeley Booth/Major Trevor, or any other role playing combinations that the two of you could come up with, especially a Catholic School Girl fantasy with Booth as a Jock. I also do not want to hear about any role playing after the fact, either._

_Of course this list is not exhaustive of all the rules needed to reign in the veritable tidal wave of lust that will be consuming the two of you, so I will be adding to this as time goes on. Outside of this, enjoy! Cam. _

_PS~ I realize that some of these seem to be at odds with number two, but the conflagration that will burst out now that the two of you are together needs some slack. Just don't let me see it! I see it and heads will roll. I operate on a "Don't ask, Don't tell" basis._

_PPS~ Dr. Brennan, be sure to ask Seeley about that unbelievably orgasmic trick he does with his tongue when you guys next have sex. Trust me. That is one experience you don't want to miss! Think multiples, Dr. Brennan. Sorry Seeley. I couldn't resist. That is definitely information that she needs._

Now this was just not fair! How the Hell was he supposed to survive when a former girlfriend happened to be Bones' boss? He just knew that sooner or later it would be Bones, Angela, _and_ Cam against poor Seeley. Maybe he should just write out his will right now.

Bones and Angela were at Angela's apartment working on a new list for Booth when Cam's e-mail came in. Both stopped what they were doing and read it quickly, laughing the whole time. Bones gasped, and smiled when the PPS was read out by Angela. Multiples, huh? Now that was a very welcome revelation.

"This calls for a new list," Angela said with a wide smile.

"Definitely," Bones agreed. A wicked gleam was in her eyes. They both bent their heads together to work on this one.

About an hour later they had it hammered out and sent off. They both sat back with a glass of wine.

"This relationship with Booth is good, Bren," Angela remarked. She'd noted the very stark changes in Bren's whole bearing since the fencing incident. It was a good change.

"Not as good as it will be," Bones said with a naughty chuckle.

"So it seems that our Catholic Choir Boy isn't such a prude after all," Angela quipped, enjoying the conversation. "And if Cam's right, which I'm sure she is, it begs the question of just what other body parts are as talented as his tongue," she continued.

"He's got superb hands," Bones admitted with a slightly glazed look in her eyes as she recalled the mutual exploration that they'd conducted the other day.

"That's a plus," Angela said with a grin. She'd known her fair share of good looking men who were all thumbs when it came to using their hands on a woman's body. "A real tactile savant, huh?"

"He seems to intuitively know where all my erogenous zones are," Bones told her best friend.

"And now you're going to get to see how _intuitive _he is with his tongue!" Angela giggled with a short little squeal punctuating her statement. "You know, Bren, I think Booth needs a list of the expectations of your first time together," she observed.

Bones thought for a moment. "I like that idea," she nodded. Of course she knew that any such list would be disregarded considering how much pent up lust would be released their first time engaging in intercourse, but it would be fun to see his reaction. "Let's work on that and send it off before I leave."

After another hour of work they had it finished and sent off. Then they decided to go and get something to eat before doing some shopping. Bones had decided to buy something to shock Booth a bit.

Booth was still recovering from Cam's list when he heard the computer ping and let him know another e-mail was coming in. With a great deal of fear he opened it and groaned. This one was from Bones and Angela. Just great! No telling what those two would come up with. He read it and his more "Puritan Modesty" began to creep up on him as he blushed. Do these women have _any_ modesty???

_Booth~_

_Naturally I am desirous of finding out about this tongue trick that Cam mentioned. So as to let you know what's expected, here is a list of my expectations on the subject of orgasms._

_First: My nipples are very sensitive, and I am often able to make myself orgasm by just playing with my nipples. Of course, that is only a prelude to the really powerful orgasms I achieve when I play with my pussy, with special attention being paid to my clit. I expect a good deal of attention paid to my nipples so at least the possibility of a warm up orgasm is there. A woman needs to take the edge off, after all._

_Second: As I am now aware of the fact that you know how to give a woman multiple orgasms, I expect you to take the time to perform equally as well with me. A sexual session between us will simply not be complete without some multiple orgasms to enhance my pleasure._

_Third: For each orgasm you achieve, I expect to have a minimum of three. In other words, you have your work cut out for you._

_Fourth: I expect at least one, preferably two, orgasms from foreplay. A good orgasm from foreplay always enhances my _**enthusiasm**_ for the rest of the encounter._

_Fifth: It should go without saying that cumming together with you inside of me, will be a goal to be worked on. Timing is crucial, so we will be spending a lot of time working on synchronization of our sexual rhythms during intercourse. Once that perfect ass of yours has healed, we will also begin to work on breathing exercises and a full regimen of yoga for a high level of flexibility as well as good cardiovascular exercise. _

_There it is, Booth. Nothing too dramatic, but it is important to keep this in mind. I'll be home after we have lunch and do a bit of shopping. Love you. Bones._

_PS~ Angela mentioned that she is also interested in having you perform that tongue trick on her at some point. I said I'd talk to you about it. How lucky can you get? Two beautiful women wanting to be pleasured by you. If it were anyone but Angela I would not even consider sharing you, but she is my best friend. How could I refuse her the experience of multiple orgasms brought on by the talented tongue of such an Adonis as you?_

Booth gulped. He'd read and reread the damn thing a number of times in the last hour, trying to convince himself it was some sort of hallucination. She was now into lists about orgasms??? And she expected him to do that sissy yoga stuff??? He knew he'd do it, though. He was so whipped it was pathetic. That PS concerned him, though. He knew that Bones was pretty adventurous, sexually, and he would not be surprised if she had engaged in threesomes at some point in her sexual past. He wasn't being judgmental, though. It may not be his cup of tea, but she was an adult and someone who had earned his respect, as well as love. But sharing him with Angela??? He had nothing against the talented artist, and he considered her a good friend, but he had no desire to have a sexual relationship with her. Another ping from the laptop drew his attention and he wanted to scream. It was from Bones again! Would this torture ever end??? He clicked on it and called up the message. Yep! Another damn list!

_Booth~_

_Now that we have the issue of orgasms dealt with, I was thinking that a list of what should happen the first time we have intercourse is in order. Here are my thoughts._

_First: A romantic dinner at a restaurant of my choosing. We will split the check equally._

_Second: An extended make out session in the vehicle we are using. No intercourse, and no oral sex, just fondling and extended kissing. I believe the accurate term is "Heavy Petting"._

_Third: When we return to my apartment, I want to undress you slowly, taking my time to appreciate your spectacular structure._

_Fourth: While you lay naked on my bed, I will slowly strip off my clothes, revealing my body to you in a sensual manner. No touching, Booth, during this. That means no touching me, or yourself, while I remove my clothes. Cheating on this one will mean punishment, such as having to watch me masturbate in the easy chair across the room while you are on the bed not allowed to touch yourself while I do so._

_Fifth: I want to take my time giving oral attention to your body, ending with a long, slow blowjob so that you can finally have the edge taken off before we have intercourse._

_Sixth: After haven taken the edge off of you, you will finally be able to pay attention to my body, taking the care and attention to detail that I did on yours. The end action will be orally pleasuring me, and using that tongue trick Cam mentioned._

_Seven: As I will be rather "boneless" after such a treat, I will acquiesce and allow you to enter me with you on top. I ordinarily enjoy being on top to begin with, but for you I am more than willing to make sacrifices, especially if I have just experienced multiple orgasms._

_Eight: After you have shown me the kind of stamina I have dreamed you to have for the last few years, we will be continuing to enjoy each other for as long as possible into the night. I expect us to be well sated and exhausted come morning._

_Nine: When we wake up, we will have one more slow round before having to get ready for work._

_So what do you think? Can you handle that, Booth? Do you have the stamina and self control needed for such a first time? I think you do. Now you get to prove it as soon as your ass heals. Love you. Bones._

Good God! How the Hell was he going to survive? None of it sounded bad at all, except for the punishment bit, but did he have the stamina to manage eight and nine on the list? He wasn't so sure given that this was Bones. Even a "boneless" Bones was a sex machine and he knew he had his work cut out for him. He made a note to make sure he went to confession and also light a candle for some help from the Big Guy on his stamina (none of that Viagra bullshit for him, thank you very much) and also for a good "performance". Probably not the best thing in the world to ask God's help on, but he needed as much help as he could get. If he disappointed Bones he'd never hear the end of it. He also needed to get some assistance to be able to compete on these lists. He was losing badly at this point. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed Hodgins' number.

"Hodgins?" he asked. "Get over here pronto! I'm at Bones' apartment and I need some help coming up with a damn good list to fight back with."

"_Dude! I don't know_," Hodgins replied. "_I see myself winding up living in the lab for the next month working my ass off if Dr. B and Angela get pissed_. _You know how they feel about guilt by association_."

"I have a gun and can maim you," Booth replied with a smile. He did know of their slid belief in guilt by association, but he liked his motto better: misery loves company. At least this way he'd be having lots of hot sex with Bones while Hodgins worked his ass off. Sex for Booth, no sex for Hodgins.

"_I'll be there in twenty minutes_," Hodgins said quickly and hung up.

Booth leaned back and then winced. Damn! His ass still hurt like a son-of-a-bitch! Fortunately it was more bruising now that was hurting as opposed to the penetrating injury. Unfortunately the bruising would take longer to heal. And they were deep bruises! Damn fencing foils! He'd deal with Cam's interference at a later date. For now, he had more important things to take care of.

When Cam got back to her office after a meeting with the Board, she noticed that she had two e-mails from Dr. Brennan. They contained the two lists that Dr. Brennan and Angela had made up for Seeley. After recovering from the hilarity of the lists, she made a note to let Seeley know that she was in no way involved in the making of those two lists. The second one was bad enough, but she could only imagine the horror on his face over the list on orgasms. She saved the lists to a disc so she could download them onto her personal computer at home. These, along with the others that Angela had made her privy to, were too good not to save a copy of. If nothing else she could use them as great blackmail material for when Seeley was being an ass.

_A/N: There it is. Another chapter to this one. I hope you all enjoyed it. Thank you to _**Nyre The Black Rose** _for the inspiration for this chapter. I will be updating my ongoing stories as time allows. Gregg._


	22. Chapter 22

_I'm glad that you enjoyed the last chapter to this one. As I mentioned, the idea for the last chapter came from **Nyre The Black Rose**. Frankly there have been a lot of great suggestions for this story and I am always eager to consider any that come my way. I hope that this followup to the last chapter is up to your expectations. As always, thanks for the great reviews. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Jack Hodgins was about ready to crack. This had disaster written all over it. He knew that he was going to get splattered when the shit hit the fan, but what could he do? Booth had a gun and was a former sniper. If he was lucky the guy may let him have a few unwounded body parts left.

"Are you sure you want the girls to see this?" he asked for probably the hundredth time.

Booth smiled. "Of course," he said firmly. "You've seen the lists they sent me today. That definitely calls for something spectacular."

"But this???" Jack held up the printout.

_Bones and Angela~_

_ I gotta tell ya, Girls, those lists were the Bomb! I am definitely looking forward to each and every part of them. For a little warmup, though, on that threesome you mentioned Bones, here's a little list of my own, though after long thought Jack and I think it should be a foursome. Hope you enjoy it, Girls._

_First: It would be great to see the two of you doing a strip tease for me and Jack. Sexy, alluring, sultry, and downright raunchy. Yep. A dual strip show is just that the King desires and decrees! First Minister Jack gives his wholehearted approval as well._

_Second: After the strip show, and the two of you are undeniably naked, a little mud wrestling would seem to be in order. Nothing gets our motors running better than seeing two incredibly **HOT** naked ladies rolling around in each others arms in a kiddie pool full of mud. Jack has offered to prepare the sludge for the competition. I promise you Bones, Jack and I will exercise proper decorum at all times._

_Third: After the two of you have showered off the remains of the mud wrestling competition, a game of Truth or Dare is the next phase of this party. Be prepared Girls, because we have some totally awesome questions for you, and if you should choose the dare, then we have some great dares already made up. Jack's quite inventive, I must say._

_Fourth: The last warmup for the foursome will be a body art competition with flavored, edible body art paints. Like number three, this one will be full participation among the four of us. And Bones, no cheating. Drawing a skeleton over the King's stunning musculature is not art. That's simply tracing an outline. Major no no, Bones._

_ After number four has been completed we can let the games begin! I hope you two are ready for this, because the King and First Minister sure are! Love ya! Booth and Jack!_

"We'll be lynched!" Jack exclaimed. He liked a good joke as much as the next guy, but this was suicide with Dr. B and Angela on the receiving end of this list!

Booth chuckled and clapped Hodgins on the shoulder. "You worry too much," he told the other man. "Bones will know this is a joke. Trust me!"

"Like she knew your original e-mail which started this whole thing was a joke?" Jack asked with perfect timing. Booth had just e-mailed the list to Bones.

Booth's head snapped up at that. "I am so screwed," he said in a suddenly very morose tone of voice. He'd forgotten one very important thing. Bones didn't have a sense of humor like everyone else. Instead her sense of humor was based on a very freaky literalism.

"No," Jack replied. "We're both screwed," he said as he began mentally reviewing all the extra projects in the lab that he was sure he would be assigned once he got to work on Monday.

Bones and Angela were in a high end dress shop looking for some gowns for an upcoming gala at the Jeffersonian that they were required to attend. Bones had let the Board know that she would not attend without Booth, and if his ass was not healed well enough for him to go, then she would be a no show. It didn't hurt to at least be prepared, though, in case he was healed enough for the event. Just as she was about to take a couple of possible gowns to the changing area with Angela, her Blackberry vibrated. She set the gowns down and checked the device, surprised to see an e-mail from Booth. She quickly opened it and read the note and list. Her eyes widened in shock, and then she laughed. She handed the Blackberry to Angela so she could read it, too.

"Well," Angela chuckled. "It seems our boys are getting pretty brave."

"I know he's only joking, but Booth sure is acting much more open than he normally does," Bones replied, very pleased. It would be fun to joke with him some more, working off of this new list.

"It's lucky for him that we were only joking about me being an added party in your sex life," Angela said with a wistful sigh. She wasn't upset, but she was even more adventurous about sex than Bren, so a threesome with Booth and Bren was something she'd fantasized about a time or two. She knew enough of Bren's sexual history to know that the idea in general wasn't something that Bren would have trouble with, but considering it was Booth, she knew that Bren wasn't about to share. That was a good thing. It told Angela just how serious that Bren was about this.

"I think we need to get even with those two for this," Bones said with a wicked grin.

Angela was all for it. "What do you have in mind?" she asked.

"I'll deal with Booth, and you can take care of Hodgins," Bones replied. "Of course I'll be giving Hodgins extra work at the lab for helping Booth on this list."

"Of course," Angela nodded in full agreement.

"After we pick out gowns and accessorize them, we can go to the sex shop not far from here," Bones said decisively. "They have just what we need."

"We're not going to deal with those two together, are we?" Angela asked, clearly shocked.

"No," Bones told her friend. "Knowing Booth he sent Hodgins away once they sent that e-mail. You can deal with Hodgins at his place, while I deal with Booth at mine."

Angela nodded, her own wicked grin now in place. "Let's have fun!" she said as she ushered Bren quickly to the changing room. The sooner they finished here, the sooner they could go to the sex shop.

Several fun filled hours later Bones returned to her apartment. She had a number of bags with her, most of them from the sex shop. Angela was always fun to go to the sex shop with, and this trip was no exception as they had spent a lot of time laughing at all the things they could purchase to get back at the boys for that list they'd made up. Most of the items she would save for some other time to show Booth, but there were a couple of things that she wanted his reaction to this very afternoon. Not that they'd be doing anything about it, but she was damn sure going to see his reaction. She noticed that he was not in the living room or the kitchen, so she figured he had gone back to the bedroom to rest a bit. That was perfect as it played right into her plans. Setting all the bags down on the dining room table, she pulled out the specific items she wanted and made her way to the bedroom. Peaking in she saw that he was lightly dozing. With a grin, she slipped out of her clothes and put on the nearly X-rated bikini she'd purchased. Taking the other bag, she slipped into the room and stood by the door in a provocative pose.

"Booth," she purred loud enough for him to hear her.

Booth registered the sexy voice of Bones and stirred awake, looking in the direction that the voice had come from. His eyes almost popped out as he took in the sight of her in a practically non-existent, microscopic bikini. Once more he had first hand proof that the Big Guy had been having a miraculous day when he created Bones.

"WOW," he said in a seriously appreciative undertone.

"You like?" she asked in a teasing tone.

"Oh yeah," he replied with a vigorous nod. The stabbing pressure on his ass cheek from the bruising was reminding him of his dilapidated condition, but he was getting used to being an appreciative audience.

"Angela and I have matching bikinis so we'll be ready to start the mud wrestling contest," Bones told him with a wicked gleam I her eyes. She started to saunter over to him, a sexy sway to her hips, the bag in her hand.

Booth began to sweat. "Now Bones, we were just kidding with that list, ya know?" he told her nervously. "After all you started it with that talk of a threesome!"

"But you said the King's word is law," she pointed out with a smile.

"And you said you're the power behind the throne!" he shot back, now very nervous. Bones may be acting all sexy and seductive, but it was impossible to tell if she was kidding or being serious. Jack was going to freak!

"Well there is one way to avoid all that stuff about threesomes and foursomes, Booth," she told him, the purr in her voice really coming on strong.

He gave her a jaundiced look, knowing he was not going to like this. "What's that?" he asked her nervously.

"Look in the bag while I go make some tea and a snack," she told him as she walked away after depositing the bag beside him. She felt his eyes glued to her fully displayed ass, the bikini bottoms were "butt floss" after all, and smirked as she left the room. She was just putting the tea kettle on the stove when she heard a horrified shout come from the room.

"_**SMURF SEX?!?!?!**_"

Bones laughed very contentedly as she waited for the water to boil. This evening was going to be so much fun!

_A/N: I wanted to post one more chapter to this one before finishing up the new chapters for Facing Fear, Friends With Benefits, and How's The Crocheting. I hope you enjoyed this short one. As I've said before these lists I consider a fun, positive way for Booth and Bones to explore the more fun loving side of their new relationship, but in a bantering way which makes sense to them. The one upmanship, which Bones seems to come out on top of in the show, is being displayed here, though like in the show, she will come to see that Booth has some important points, too. I plan on keeping this going for as long as lists keep coming to mind, and they seem to be fresh. I also plan on bringing back Parker and Max for some more list fun. Cullen will also be making an appearance soon. Thank you for the continued great support and reviews. Gregg._


	23. Chapter 23

_I hope everyone enjoyed the last chapter. This one doesn't have a list in it, but is a short one in which we find out about the Smurf sex that Booth was so horrified about. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

"This is not funny, Bones!" Booth growled.

Bones couldn't stop snickering as she put on the makeup to hide the pale blue tinge to Booth's skin that the blue body paint left behind when they tried to wash it off after the evening of Smurf sex. Unfortunately for Booth, the girls had gotten the wrong paint. Instead of the edible stuff, which Bones had originally thought they'd bought, they got some body paints that Angela had used when she had been responsible for the play Cats when it was in DC a couple of years before. It was almost impossible to wash off entirely and the only solution was to let it wear off for a few weeks and wear some natural skin color foundation and makeup.

"It was an honest mistake, Booth," she told him as she worked on his neck and jawline.

"Did you ever see the movie _Private Benjamin_?" he asked. He knew he shouldn't be arguing too much seeing as he'd finally, at long last, had sex with Bones, but the idea of having to wear makeup or effectively be a Smurf for a few weeks wasn't allowing him to savor the victory. Thank God he'd drawn the line at painting his dick! That hadn't kept her from slathering that hideous stuff all over his balls, though. Now he had a _literal_ case of blue balls!

"No," she replied.

"Well, one of these days we're going to be watching it and when we get to the practical joke they played on the Captain in her shower, you'll understand," Booth groused. "I still think Angela did this on purpose."

"You have to admit, though, we certainly did have fun last night," Bones reminded him.

"Yes we had fun, Bones, but now I'm blue! And I have to wear makeup! Guys don't wear makeup, Bones!" he whined. He knew he was being chauvinistic, but he was a traditional guy and makeup was a no no. Smurf sex had been a real bear to get into while the makeup was being put on, but he had to admit it had been fun once the action had started.

"I will pretend I did not hear that last statement," Bones said drily.

"Sorry Bones, but you have to expect some statements like that from an Alpha Male Neanderthal," Booth justified himself.

"I very much doubt that a Neanderthal could use his tongue like you did before we got to the Smurf sex," Bones chuckled. She made a note to thank Cam for the tip on Booth's tongue. A little jealousy shot through her at the thought of Booth having been with Cam at one point, but the oral activity that Booth had engaged in the night before made for an excellent counterbalance to those feelings. She'd had four orgasms before he'd even reached her pussy, and then when he got there she lost count of all the orgasms, especially as most of them were multiples. No lover in the past had spent so long orally pleasuring her. Booth was definitely the ultimate Alpha Male. The one thing she was most curious about was that little trick he did with his tongue. He'd had two fingers deep inside of her, deftly manipulating her G-spot and then his tongue had somehow curled around her clit and fluttered rapidly at the same time. She couldn't remember a more powerful orgasm from oral sex, and it had gone on and on in multiples. She'd almost passed out from the pleasure. His dexterity with his tongue was something she'd never heard of.

"Liked that, huh?" he grinned. "I told you all along I was not a prude."

"Just wait until your ass heals and you can go on and on during the night instead of needing pain medication after one simple round of spooning sex," she chided in amusement.

"Just remember who stabbed me, Bones, and who's idea it was to have a fencing match," he shot back with equal good humor. He didn't deign to comment on the pain medication, as it made him look like a wuss, but damn it! His ass hurt like a son-of-a-bitch once the adrenalin and hormonal rush wore off. And then to discover he was going to be blue for a while yet! He only hoped that Jack was worse off than he was at that moment.

"And you should know better than to bend over with sharp weapons nearby," she teased. She was now able to look at the situation with a bit of humor, though the image of the spreading blood spot on his ass when she'd stabbed him haunted her a bit.

"You told me to turn around!" he said indignantly. "There I was, unarmed and defenseless, and my girlfriend thrusts the sharp tip of a sword into my ass cheek!"

"It was a foil," she corrected automatically. "And I had no way of knowing that the protective bead had come off."

"Semantics, Bones," he taunted. "A rose by any other name, yada yada yada...."

Before she could respond to his good humored taunt his cell phone rang. Booth flipped it open and answered.

"Booth," he said with a wink at Bones who snickered.

"_I'm orange from head to toe, God Dammit!_" Hodgins angry voice carried over the cell phone.

"What?" Booth asked.

"_Even my hair is orange_!" Hodgins continued to rant. "_This is all your fault G-Man_!"

"Orange? What the Hell are you talking about Hodgins?" he asked. He wasn't about to mention he was a fucking Smurf unless he needed to let something out to calm the man down.

"_I told you that damn list was a bad idea! When Ange got here she wanted to have a little fun and turned me into a grown up Bart Simpson with yellow body paint! She even ran it through my hair and then the bottle dropped and spilled all over my dick and balls_!" Hodgins roared. He sounded a bit crazed. "_But no! You just had to push Dr. B's buttons, and Angie's, too, in the process. You are so fucking whipped Buddy! Maybe you should look at a new title. How about Queen's Consort? Or how about Queen's Lapdog_?"

"**HEY**!!!" Booth shouted. "I've still got a gun!"

"_As if I care at this point_," Hodgins continued in his rant. "_I tried washing this damn stuff off and it changed color to neon orange! __**BRIGHT **__neon orange! And to top it all off I got an e-mail from Cam this morning letting me know that my __**punishment**__ for my role in that __**perverted**__ (her words, not mine!) list we came up with. I'll be spending the next month at least working double time to get through all the bullshit projects the __**interns**__ normally get stuck with. Project number one is inventorying the supply depot! That's a week of eight hour shifts all by itself_!"

"Well at least you're not a damn **SMURF**!" Booth shouted back. He could see Bones laughing her ass off across the room where she was getting dressed.

"_At least you can have sex_!" Hodgins shot back. "_Ange won't let me near the Promised Land on account of this shit all over my dick! She says it's unhygienic and she won't let it near her! You just wait Booth. Your First Minister is going to get revenge and stage a Palace Coup sometime real soon! We'll see who ends up as the King when that's over with_!"

Booth looked at the phone. "He hung up!" he said, stunned.

"He is right about one thing," Bones said with a wicked grin on her face. It was obvious she had been able to hear Hodgins' crazed rant all the way across the room. She was fully dressed and ready to go into work as she had a court appearance that morning.

"What's that Bones?" he asked somewhat morosely as he caught his reflection in the mirror. The makeup made his face and neck look somewhat normal, but his bare chest, shoulders, and arms were still blue!

"At least you're having sex," she chuckled.

"That still doesn't take away from the fact that I'm still a damn Smurf, Bones," he said as he closed his eyes in silent mortification. All he heard was her laughter as she left to go to work. He opened them and looked up at the ceiling. "You let her turn me into a Smurf? How is that helping, Big Guy? Father Mitch is going to label me a hopeless pervert for this one!" He turned on the television and screamed when he saw that it was the start of a Smurf Marathon on the Cartoon Network. This whole day sucked! Just a few days ago he was a happy FBI Special Agent trying to figure out a way to make a relationship with Bones possible. Now he was a totally whipped FBI Special Agent in a relationship with a total Sex Goddess, but he had a stabbed ass cheek and looked like a SMURF. Somehow he was having trouble thinking which state of affairs was worse. All he knew was was that Bones better be interested in committing some serious sin that night for this debacle. No damn headaches after this mess! Father Mitch could think what he wanted. Definitely time for another list, but this one would be for Cam. Her subtle hints needed to be nipped in the proverbial bud!

_A/N: I hoped you enjoyed this one. Booth finally had sex with Bones, and wound up a Smurf. Things will get better for him, I promise. I am working on some ideas for lists from Cullen and another one from Parker. They will be posted once I have some chapters for other stories posted. Thanks for the great reviews! Gregg._


	24. Chapter 24

_Thank you for all of the great reviews for the last chapter! It was a great deal of fun to write, and the result apparently speaks for itself. This is another short one, but I wanted to add it in for my friend _**Mendenbar**_ who has wanted such a list for some time. _**Nyre The Black Rose**_ has also suggested some elements for a possible list from this character, and they will be incorporated in a later list. I hope you all enjoy this one. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Deputy Director Sam Cullen was at his desk putting the finishing touches on a personal project. Dr. Saroyan and Ms. Montenegro had let him know of the new relationship between Dr. Brennan and his best agent, Seeley Booth. They had also let him in on the unique manner in which those two were keeping up the famous banter and bickering, some would call it all out argumentative warfare, in this new relationship. He'd broken into a deep laugh when he'd heard about it, and he'd been made privy to the various lists by a rather irate Dr. Hodgins that very morning. Cullen wasn't sure why Hodgins was so upset, but he wasn't going to quibble, when the lists in question were the best entertainment he'd had in years. Now he had his own list put together for those two special people. He planned on adding a list or two of a more risque nature once Booth had gotten back to work. Smiling at his computer screen, he hit send and the e-mail was off. He wished he could be a fly on the wall when Booth and his lady Doctor got it. Sighing, he pulled over a file folder and got back to the real world.

Booth was still grousing when Bones got home from court. His facial makeup was running a bit, and itched to beat all hell. Every time he looked down on himself and saw nothing but blue skin instead of his highly evolved masculine perfection (Bones' words, not his, he thought with a smile) he only frowned more. Even Seeley Jr. had wilted given the humiliating predicament that Seeley Sr. had allowed them to be wrangled into. Let's see. Naked Bones. Naked Bones. Naked Bones. Nope. Not a twitch. Ordinarily just the mere thought of Bones, clothed or unclothed, was enough for Junior to be ready to explode! His laptop beeped letting him know he had a message. It couldn't be from Bones as she was just walking in the door, which he noted with a smile and wave. He clicked on the e-mail, noting it was from Cullen. He read it quickly, his brain freezing. Oh crap! Not him, too!

"What's the matter?" Bones asked, concerned, as she came up and looked at the laptop.

"NO!" Booth tried to grab it back, but he got his knuckled rapped as if she was a Nun and he'd been a bad little boy in class. He mentally bitched that she put every Nun he'd ever known to shame in the discipline department.

"YES!" Bones let out a jubilant shout, in a very uncharacteristic manner. "Did you read this?" she looked at him, her smile wide and ready to burst out all over.

"Uh huh," Booth said in a sulky tone.

_Agent Booth and Dr. Brennan~_

_First of all let me be one of the first to congratulate you on your new relationship. I am sure that after all that you have been through to get to this point it will be as successful as your professional partnership. While I could have done without the $500 loss from the fencing match, I am pleased with the outcome, in more ways than one! I haven't laughed so hard in years, Booth! Stabbed in the ass by your girlfriend! That one will go down in FBI history! Since Dr. Hodgins has made me privy to the lists that have been going back and forth of late, I thought I would add in a list of my own for the two of you._

_#1: From this point on Dr. Brennan is authorized to drive FBI vehicles. I understand that Agent Booth has been rather greedy when it comes to sharing driving rights, so this will ease that considerably._

_#2: From this point on, given her prowess on the sparring mat, and her _**obvious**_ dedication to the _**safety**_ of her partner at all times, I am granting an official gun permit to Dr. Brennan, authorizing her to carry, and if necessary use, a gun while out in the field during any and all cases assigned to Agent Booth and herself. Any paperwork associated with the discharge of said weapon will be the _**sole**_ responsibility of Agent Booth._

_#3: As this is a unique partnership, and the dynamics have shifted somewhat, you are now required to have two sessions a week with Dr. Sweets. He is not authorized to recommend a split in your professional partnership, but can and will _**add**_ sessions if a problem develops in the intermingling of the personal and professional relationship the two of you now share._

_#4: This is the last one. I insist on a picture e-mailed to me of Booth painted up as a Smurf. I have got to have evidence of that one. Great work, Dr. Brennan!_

_As you are obviously incapacitated due to your injury, and also need the time to let the blue paint wear off (remember I demand a picture!) I am granting you a four week paid leave of absence, Booth. That doesn't excuse you from the paperwork I promised you, Booth, so don't celebrate yet. That's all for now, people. Have a good leave, Booth. Take good care of our injured Smurf, Dr. Brennan. _

_Sam Cullen._

"I get a gun!" Bones crowed in delight.

"We will be finding you an appropriate weapon, Bones. That canon of yours is a no no," Booth told her. He wanted to beat Cullen to a pulp. He just knew that he was going to get shot with a ricochet again like that one Halloween incident. "Perhaps a small derringer, or better yet a BB gun."

"Oh no you don't," Bones glared at him. "I'm a good shot. I want a gun that's at least as powerful as yours."

"BB gun," Booth replied.

".357," she shot back.

".22," he bartered.

".45," she wheedled.

".38 special," he upped his position a bit.

"9mm," she told him. "Final offer or it's the canon."

"Deal," he said reluctantly. "But we will be spending time at the range making sure that you're damn proficient with the thing. I want you as near to my skill level as we can get you."

"That's hardly likely," she pointed out realistically. He was a trained sniper and was able to use almost any weapon with such deadly precision that she was constantly in awe of him. She was good, very good, but nowhere near his league.

"Doesn't mean we can't try, Bones," he told her. He was being serious. He knew she was a good shot, and only wanted to be able to protect him like he protected her, but she was also over eager, which made her a bit trigger happy. He relaxed when he saw her nod in agreement.

"50/50 driving time," Bones went to the next item on her agenda. She was going to be sending Cullen a very appreciative gift for this list.

"90/10 my favor," Booth told her.

"60/40 my favor," Bones told him with a glare that let him know that he was not going to win this one if he ever wanted to see her naked again.

"50/50," he sighed. "But no siren!" he made clear.

"No siren," she said with a wicked smile. She'd work in the siren with a little _**friendly **__**persuasion**_ at some other point. "Now on to the really important item on the agenda. How's that ass of yours?" she asked as she stood up.

"It hurts like Hell," he told her honestly. "Why?"

She shot that wicked smile down on him again. "Because I'm in need of some serious attention from that magical tongue of yours," she told him as she began unbuttoning her blouse. "To the bedroom, Booth," she ordered with a sexy purr. "Your Bonesy needs a few more delicious orgasms..."

Booth groaned as he stood up and was led to the bedroom by a half dressed Bones. Jr. was decidedly AWOL at the moment, the traitor. He was going to kill Hodgins for letting Cullen know about all this, and he was going to definitely get Angela back for turning him into a SMURF! He had to let Bones slide on all this as he desperately wanted to have sex again with the woman of his dreams. Life really sucked at the moment.

"_Boothy? I'm waiting_," came the purr from the bedroom. He'd stopped a moment as she entered as his ass had twinged.

_REALLY _sucked, but at least he would have a perpetual smile on his face if naked Bones was a sight he'd be seeing on a regular basis. He'd deal with Jr.'s AWOL behavior later on. For now, he had some more pleasurable duties to take care of.

_A/N: I hope you all enjoyed Cullen's list and what it brought about. Thank you Mendenbar and also Nyre The Black Rose for the impetus for a Cullen list. There will be more from him in the future. Gregg._


	25. Chapter 25

_I thought of all the lists that could be made at this point, and I wanted to see Jack vent a bit more, by mention rather than a full on scene, so I decided having Sweets do a list where _**both**_ Booth and Bones are not happy would be a fun one to try, but wind up having an idea of their own. I hope you all enjoy this one. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Oh Dude! This was so AWESOME! Two sessions a week with his favorite people! Sweets could kiss Cullen for this totally wicked opportunity! And with them in a relationship it opened so many doors for some deep looks into their dynamics. Sweets was grinning like the proverbial Cheshire Cat as he walked into his office and booted up his laptop. This called for an e-mail to his two stubborn patients. He quickly composed it and sent it off to both of them.

Booth was on his side looking at a very satisfied Bones. She had this look on her face that was little short of sheer wonder and amazement. He was _**so**_ da Man! The last two and a half hours he'd spent making damn sure that she had no complaints about him in the sex department. Even his ass didn't hurt as much! Major score! No more talk of being a prude! Looking down on himself he was a bit disgusted on one point. It took forever for Seeley Jr. to rise to the occasion. This whole Smurf look was a real downer, in more ways than one! Literally! But at least he wasn't a neon carrot like Hodgins.

"I seriously doubt I am the first woman you've seen post-coitus, Booth," Bones sighed as she rolled on her side and looked at her rather large, perfect Smurf.

"What can I say, Bones," he shrugged. "I can't get enough of looking at you."

Bones chuckled. "You're just saying that because you're having sex with me now," she chided teasingly. For a long time she'd noticed him looking at her with a decidedly _un_partnerly appreciation. It had always flattered her, as well as frustrated her. He'd set that damnable line, after all. At least now all that frustration was ended and they could be honest.

"At least until this damn paint wears off," Booth remarked. "Then we'll be making love, Baby."

"DON'T call me Baby, _Boothy Boy_," she shot back, a smirk on her face.

"BOOTHY BOY???" Booth arched a brow. "I don't think so _Bonesy Wonesy_."

Bones immediately backed down. "Okay, it's Boothy and Bonesy," she agreed to the pet names in private. "No add ons. In PRIVATE. And NO Baby." She laid back and sighed, looking at the clock. "Could you get me my laptop? I'm expecting an e-mail from my editor and need to reply if it came."

"Sure," he told her as he carefully managed to get off of the bed and slowly make his way from the room, ignoring the fact that she was better able, physically, to get the thing than he was. He stilled at the door. "Enjoying the view?" he asked cheekily over his shoulder.

"Perfection," Bones smiled as she took in his whole body from behind. Damn what a perfect ass! "Even if you are all blue."

Booth groaned as he made his way to the living room and got her laptop. The slow, somewhat painful steps told him that he had a ways to go on the healing front with the bruising. Making his way back to the bedroom he brought the laptop to her and gently laid on his side facing her. Now his ass was throbbing. A pain pill was in order very soon he decided. He noticed a shocked look on Bones' face and he got worried all of a sudden.

"What?" he asked.

"We got a list," she said, not quite believing what she was seeing.

Booth groaned. "Who from now?" he asked.

"Sweets," she told him.

"Damn!" Booth cursed. "What's that little pimple want now? And what the hell is he doing sending us lists?"

"Evidently he sent the same one to you," she replied turning the laptop to him so he could read the list.

_Dr. Brennan and Agent Booth,_

_Deputy Director Cullen has informed me of the added sessions and I have you tentatively penciled in for Tuesday and Friday of each week at 3:00 pm. They will be one hour blocks of time, but there will be certain rules involved in these sessions._

_Rule #1: Cell phones will be turned off and handed over to me for the duration of each session. No exceptions, and Cullen has signed off on this._

_Rule #2: The truth zone will be strictly enforced. To enhance this, we will be returning to the tried and true trust exercises._

_Rule #3: Once a month we will devote a session to how the relationship is affecting each of you personally. This will be in order to gauge the positive and negative aspects of this new relationship._

_Rule #4: As Dr. Hodgins mentioned to me this morning about the rather bizarre role playing episode that was engaged in by you, we will be devoting several sessions delving into the positive and negative consequences of fantasies. I find it fascinating that one of you has a Smurf fetish. During these sessions a solid discussion about the positive aspect of healthy role playing will be necessary. I'm sure Agent Booth will agree that being turned into a Smurf for several weeks is not a very positive development. A picture of Agent Booth in his current state will be necessary for my records._

_Rule #5: I have arranged for the two of you to attend a couples retreat for professional colleagues who are romantically involved. It is a four day retreat taking place next month, so the blue body paint should have worn off by then._

_Rule #6: I have a new questionnaire for the two of you to fill out, _**separately**_, to develop our new therapy dynamic. It is attached to this e-mail. You may turn it in on our next session date which is scheduled for when Agent Booth comes back to work after his leave of absence._

_That's it, I guess. At least for now. Let me just say that I am really excited about these added sessions. It's a golden opportunity for us to really get to the heart of your interpersonal dynamics. If we buckle down and work hard, we will get a lot accomplished. Just remember one things. The rules above are non-negotiable. I'm looking forward to getting started._

_Lance Sweets._

_PS~ Please don't tell Daisy about the body paints. I don't want to wind up in the same predicament as Agent Booth and Dr. Hodgins._

"I am going to kill Hodgins!" Booth said with a bit of frustration. "Couples retreat? No cell phones? Role playing discussions? This is a nightmare, Bones."

"I don't like it any more than you do," Bones pouted. "Now Sweets has the top hand."

"Upper hand, Bones," Booth corrected automatically.

"Whatever," Bones waved her hand dismissively.

"We need to come up with a strategy to nip this thing in the bud," Booth declared firmly.

"But Cullen signed off on this," Bones pointed out.

"Oh, yeah," Booth sighed. "This sucks, Bones."

"Agreed," she replied. She looked him up and down. "You do look cute in blue, though."

"Thanks for reminding me I'm a Smurf, Bones," he said sarcastically.

"But a very handsome, Smurf," she giggled. Then a thought occurred to her. "We could get back at Sweets."

"How?" he asked, not quite into the conversation.

She smiled that mischievous smile that she got when she was playful. "We could 'doctor' the questionnaires and make it look like we have some rather impressive neuroses between the two of us," she explained. "It would be fun to see him try and deal with the things we could imply. And I could _inadvertently _let slip to Daisy about Smurf Sex, and let her know the kind of paint we used, but not the consequences."

Booth smiled. "I like that idea," he mused. He loved the idea of fucking with Sweets' mind a bit. Now that they couldn't hold onto their cell phones during sessions, this would make the sessions at least entertaining. "Now we need to find a way to get even with Jack," he told her.

Bones chuckled. "I think we can trust Cam to handle that side of things," she replied.

"Oh yeah," Booth grinned, recalling Jack's tirade about all the extra grunt work he'd gotten stuck with by Cam.

It was early evening and Bones was getting a bit hungry. "Feel like some takeout?" she asked, noticing the rumble of his stomach which matched her own.

"Call Sid and then we can plot against Sweets while we eat," he grinned.

"And then we can have some more fun," Bones said in a sultry tone.

"Remind me to call in a refill on my pain pills," Booth called out as she got out of bed and went to the living room to call for the dinner. She'd decreed that cell phones in the bedroom while he was on leave were a no no. Finally his day was getting better. Even if he was still a Smurf.

_A/N: I hope you enjoyed this one. I felt a list from Sweets would be a fun one. I hope you all enjoyed it. Gregg. _


End file.
